What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
Why can you tell that Theresa May failed physics?
She had power and time but didn't get the work done.
We’ve reached the pint of no return.
I have a heart-on for you.
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
Why are hot dogs angry? Because they are always getting roasted.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
What do you call a sheep with a machine gun?
Lambo.
Where does a fish keep his money In the River Bank!
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
Dear Algebra, Please stop asking us to find your X.
She’s never coming back—don’t ask Y.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
Wind turbine mechanics and engineers are very fond of the blew color!
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
I've just been sacked from my job as a prophet..
I didn't see that coming.
My writer buddy went to buy a new boat...
He named it Penman-Ship.
I created a presentation on my computer but didn't use password protection...
Now it has visual aids.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What’s the first thing a musician says at work?
“Would you like fries with that?”
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Long time no sea.
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
What do you call it when a monster gets mad?
Ogre-reacting!
Time to spruce things up.
Onions are great at being psychologists as they let people cry their hearts out in front of them.
What type of noodles do swimmers like best?
Pool noodles!
What does a monster wear when it rains?
His ghoul-oshes!
Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
He heard the referee calling fowls.
A berry funny strawberry candy is called a Laffy taffy.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Why did everyone want to go to Italy during World War II?
They were Fascistanating.
What does a short sighted detective wear?
Suspectacles
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
It’s Christmas, Eve!
The strawberry went out with the grape only because he couldn't find a date.
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
I love driving my car, makes me feel like I'm charge of a big boat
especially when it's on cruise control
What’s a ghoul’s favorite love story?
Romeo and Ghouliet!
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
I wanted to do some research on organs in biology, but I had no WiFi and couldn't find the information I wanted.
I wound up using cellular.
Was there a spark between Frankenstein and his bride?
Yes, he simply couldn’t resistor.
What color sheet did the ghost wear on the 4th of July? Red, white, and boo.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.