Salty but sweet.
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap?
It was always on shale.
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
Why are fisherman so stingy?
Their jobs make them sel-fish!
What did the old urinal cake say to the new one?
"Oh boy, first day? Urine for a treat."
What type of flooring do alligators have in their homes?
Rep-tiles.
My neighbor was walking across the street while carrying the game Scrabble then suddenly dropped it, leaving the game board and pieces on the ground.
I said: “Hey Jeff! What’s the word on the street?”
How much far can you see with your naked eyes, on a clear day? 92,955,807 miles (to the sun).
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.
What did the annoyed peach say to the mango?
Man-go away!
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
What do fruits do when they are really really afraid? They run away as fast as their legs can cherry them.
Did you hear about the little people starting a beer making operation?
It's a micro brewery.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What should you do with an old inventory of fine French wine?
Liquidate it to the highest bidder.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
I finally decided to sell my vacuum. It was just gathering dust.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A stomach-cake!
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
"Giving you more reasons to wine."
My wife isn't talking to me because apparently I ruined her birthday....
I don't know how I did that... I didn't even know it was her birthday!
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
Fertilizer.
The pirate steals arrrrt when he has the chance.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.
Why are oranges the smartest fruit?
Because they are made to concentrate.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
Witch you were here.
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
The Basque Pro Shop.
Skiing is believing!
What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
How do rainbows sleep? In forty pinks.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
Theatre - the one place it doesn't pay to read between the line.
What covers the floor of the motzarella forest?
Cheese sticks.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
What do Spanish phantoms say when they like something?
me ghosta.
Watched a TV show about how they build ships.
It was riveting.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
What do you call a Smart TV?
In-telly-gent.