What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
The unluckiest berry in the group is the one that drew the short straw-berry.
Where did the music teacher leave her keys?
In the piano.
I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if the cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
I pitcher us together forever.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
I’m going to start a YouTube channel where I critique bottled water...
It’s an untapped market.
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
We’ll have a splash-tastic time.
Have you watched werewolves taking lunch, you will be amused, they literally wolf it down!
There’s a new drama featuring herbivore doctors.
It’s called Graze Anatomy.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
Why are vampires like false teeth?
They come out at night.
Milk aliens have landed. They said 'take me to your litre'.
Why don’t werewolf make good dancers?
Because they have two left feet!
What's the best way to get King Kong to sit up and beg? Wave a two-ton banana in front of his nose.
My buddy was cast in Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs, but he was still angry because he wasn't Happy.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
A lot of people can't understand why Daniel Day Lewis's twin brother Daniel Night Lewis didn't make it in the movies.
That's because the difference between them is night and day.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
Me: I’d like to book an appointment at the hospital please Receptionist: how about 10 tomorrow?
Me: no I don’t need that many, only one thanks.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
We are thinking of spending the night at the peach house, by the shore.
A pirate I know likes clothes made by an Italian fashion giant...
He dresses in Argh-mani suits.
I got so mad at my partner hitting moonballs, I had to pusher off the court.
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
You're not allowed to eat teeth
It's for-bitten.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
Frosty the Dough-Man!
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
What do you call Santa when he accidentally falls into the fireplace? Krisp Kringle.
Who were Gumby’s favorite Bible characters?
Shadrack, Meshack & AhBENDago.
Two trucks – one carrying strawberries and one carrying sugar – crashed. Drivers didn’t stop, and now the jam is getting thicker.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
What do you call someone who eats too many eggs?
An egg-oholic.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
Q: Why are cherries never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
A policeman was busted for collecting bribes and hiding the money in his freezer....
When the authorities searched his freezer, they found nothing but cold hard cash
What did one cheddar cheese say to the other cheddar cheese at prom?
Looking sharp!
What do you call a frozen frankfurter? A Chili dog.