Gobbling gorgoyles gobbled gobbling goblins.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
I didn’t want to play it safe with a skeleton costume, I want people to know I have guts.
Where do vampires go to buy their art supplies? Pencilvania.
How will you have communion in the space if you won’t have mass?
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
The phone rings, and a crow picks it only to find out it’s for her husband. She then says: "Hey John, you have a phone caw."
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
When the ghost family got in their car, the dad ghost told the kids to fasten their sheet-belts.
Why isn’t there an organization like Chocoholics Anonymous?
Because nobody wants to quit.
I heard Medusa looked really pretty.
In fact, her looks were stunning.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
What do you call a pickle that got run over on the road?
Road dill.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
What did summer say to spring?
Help – I’m about to fall!
What is the easiest way to make a banana split? Cut it in half.
What would a peach say to its girlfriend or boyfriend? – “You will always have a peach of my heart, baby!”
What do you call a computer that plays tennis?
A server
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
Two peanuts were walking down the road but only one was attacked. They suspect the reason was the other was unsalted.
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Why do youngsters like pelvic bones so much?
Because they're hip.
A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.
He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.
What does a meditating egg say?
Ohmmmmmmmlet.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
If mom leaves her alphabet soup on the stove and forgets about it, it would spell disaster.
What’s the name of the rabbit who stole from the rich and gave to the poor? Rabbit Hood.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
What’s a real estate agent’s favorite song?
“For Lease Navidad.”
Why did the monkey like the banana? Because it had appeal!
Why did the whisky divorce the glass?
Their marriage was on the rocks!
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
What is the only way one does not have to cry while cutting onions? They simply don't have to form emotional bonds with it.
What kind of vest should you wear in the fall?
A har-vest.
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
My favorite restaurant started serving a superhero-themed skillet breakfast.
Turns out it was just The Flash in a pan.
I tried to build myself an armchair, but I messed up some of the measurements and made it too wide.
So near, and yet sofa
Dark-colored huskies found in Colorado can also be termed as dusky huskies!
My wife said that onions are the only vegetable that makes her cry
So I threw a pumpkin at her
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"
What’s a glow worms favourite song?
Wake me up before you glow glow!
The superconductor left without resistance.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
Seth at Sainsbury's sells thick socks.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
Did you hear about the lemons that got sick?
They got lime disease.
What do teachers drink at school? Facul-Tea.