Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaner cords aren’t long enough.
What do you call a square that got into a car accident?
A rect-angle
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
There’s a suspicious email going around, with the subject line “Canned meat.” Don’t open it, it’s spam!
My Gourd, Autumn is so fall of herself!
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
I eat eel while you peel eel
I passed my dentistry tests with an A in my written paper.
In Oral, B.
Seven sleazy shysters in sharkskin suits sold sheared sealskins to seasick sailors.
“Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.”
Which nut has won the World Cup the most times?
A Brazil nut.
What do witches' cats like to have for breakfast?
Mice crispies.
She sells seashells by the seashore.
2 flies are playing soccer on a plate.
One says to the other "you'd better pick up your game Louie, we're playing in the cup tomorrow".
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
What did the magician say to the fisherman?
"Pick a cod, any cod."
What do skeletons hate the most about the wind?
Nothing. It goes right through them.
I aorta tell you how much I love you.
Why couldn’t anyone get a job at the ice rink?
There was a hiring freeze.
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
I yam rooting for you my sweet potato and I won't mash your heart
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
How rude-olf of you.
Why don’t monkeys wear pocket watches?
Because they don’t wear pants.
What kind of bears dissolve in water?
Polar bears.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
What do you call a watermelon that spends all day at the beauty spa? Must be a hottermmelon.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Why couldn’t the orange dance in the talent show without his partner?
Because it takes two to “tang-o.”
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
What's a goblins favorite dinner?
Ghoulash.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
Due to social distancing, I had a conversation with a spider today,
Seems nice, he’s a web designer.
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Why didn't the mummy finish his Halloween candy?
Because he was stuffed!
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
Emo bunnies just do not carrot all.
How does a Snowman get to work?
By icicle.
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
My friend wasn't accepted for a teaching job because he was cross-eyed
They thought he wouldn't be able to control his pupils.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
Why shouldn't you lend a geologist money? They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What do you call the Halloween costume contest winner? Mummy of the year.