I’ll be there in a pinch.
The Easter Bunny won’t be making his usual rounds this year. He’s laid up with a hareline fracture.
What’s yellow and swings from cake to cake?
Tarzipan.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
French, French Revolution
Children with only a mother make horrible programmers
Theres always missing parent.
Who is Medusa’s cheesy cousin?
Gorgon Zola
My father and grandfather work for the DMV.
I come from a long line of long lines.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
When I refused to buy her concert tickets for the weekend, my 15 year old daughter broke down and threatened to cry a river.
I told her to go ahead, but remember that she's so self absorbed the tears won't even make it to her cheeks.
“I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.”
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
What's an inmates favorite fishing equipment? Jail bait.
What do you get when you put the number 3.14 in the middle of the onions? You get o-pi-nions!
The pun class we attended totally tortoise nothing.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed?
You buy it from the cat-alog!
What did the artist say to his old friend? Let's clay in touch.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
Shake your shamrocks.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Why are watermelons, such good entrepreneurs?
“They always have seed money.”
Icy what you did there.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
What's in the middle of Paris?
R.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
Happy Hour is at wine o’ clock
What do you call a gorilla with a machine gun ?
Whatever it wants to be called.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
Why did the ghost go to the big Labor Day sale? He’s a bargain haunter.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
Cube cheese is good, and slices are fine...
But personally I think shredded is grater.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
What title did the car have in the Navy?
Rear window Admiral.
I love all my computer brands and sometimes give ’em smooches.
But I never kiss Intel.
It’s party thyme.
What did the artist tell his greatest nemesis? I challenge you to a doodle!
Someone once asked if I ever played the violin
I told him that I had fiddled with it.
What kind of wine is aged to purr-fection?
Mos-cat-o!
“Santa’s beard is so long because he’s bad at shaving. Why do you think they call him Saint Nick?”
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I saw some leprechauns putting coins in the vending machine but in vain. They were using lepre-coins.
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend.