What will you get if you cross an ice bear and a running tiger? Frostbite.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
Why do people say "hit the showers"
What did the showers ever do to you?
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
We’re in a-green-ment.
My physics professor told me I had potential
Then he pushed me off the roof.
Sheep jokes are bad.
Really baaaaaaa-d.
What did Shakespeare say as he was making a cheese plate?
To brie or not to brie.
"I have a joke about hearts, but I don't think you will get it."
"Why?"
"Because it is an inside joke."
"Personally, I like people who peach on time, and are always punctual," said the strawberry.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
I'm snow bored.
What’s the best time of year to break out the trampoline?
Spring-time!
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
Attempted Hummus-ide.
What type of films should players watch to improve their shot? Slap stick.
What did the kid nut say to the other when playing tag? “I’m going to cashew”.
Which word can be used to describe a peach that is surprised, shocked, or angry with strong emotion? – Speachless!
Why could I not imagine to have milk in the afternoon? Because it was beyond my wildest creams.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
Canada is planning a mission to the moon
They're calling the spaceship the Apollo-G.
What does a real cheese freak say when they come to your door?
“I’d like to talk to you about Cheesus.”
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
I found this amazing bluegrass band that does covers of 80s rock.
They call themselves Ban Jovi.
I like you a latke!
The fruit teacher taught figures of peach in today's class.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
What did the judge say at the finale of the meat throwing competition? The steaks have never been higher!
Jehovahs witnesses don’t celebrate halloween
I guess they don’t appreciate random people coming to their door
Did you hear about the Irishman that drank 100 liters of stout in just 30 minutes?
They’re calling it a Guinness World Record.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
"You're a real good egg."
Why is it called Almond Milk?
Because no one would buy it if it was called Nut Juice.
What do dolphins need to stay healthy?
Vitamin Sea!
The dentist said that he could knock me out with gas, or he could use a big metallic rock.
I said ether/ore.
“Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.”
Your good weed for the day.
What do cannibals eat for dessert?
Chocolate covered aunts.
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
Broccoli: I look like a tree. Walnut: I look like a brain. Mushroom: I look like an umbrella. Banan Can we change the topic?
What’s the best time to eat a peach while watching a NASCAR race? During the pit stop!
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
I’m so adjective, I verb noun.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.