What did the skeleton say when he went riding on his motorcycle?
- I’m bone to be wild!
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Hide and Speak!
Why did Moses cross the Red Sea?
To get to the other side.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What's the name of a nurse who inserts plastic tubes into people?
Catherine.
My theater group is writing a sci-fi thriller about classical musicians.
I'll be Bach.
Why was the Jack-o-Lantern sad on Halloween?
Because he felt empty inside.
What do you call a lazy spud? A couch potato.
What’s the difference between a healthy rabbit and an odd rabbit? One is a fit bunny, and the other’s a bit funny!
Ireland you money, if you’ll pay me back.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
What did the grandfather ghoul say to his grandson?
You gruesome!
My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment.
It’s a little flat.
Need an ark?
I noah guy.
Was going to change my password to MilkyTea but apparently that's too weak.
What is a ghost pirate’s favorite kind of tea?
Boo tea!
Immanuel doesn't pun, he Kant.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
What does a cat like to eat on his birthday?
Mice cream and cake!
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
Tesla just announced they’ll be including a bottle of their new cologne now with every car sold
It’s called Elon’s Musk
What is a hair stylist's favorite steak? A flat iron!
Where do crows type? Crows type on cawmputers.
What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I bet this chair lift weighs enough to break the ice.
Six sick hicks nick six slick bricks with picks and sticks.
I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
What do you call it when you order the same donut every day?
A do-rut!
I hate dentists.
Bad oral hygiene can cause so many bad things in your mouth, yet they tell you to brush it off.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What’s a whale’s favorite meal?
Fish and ships.
Why are math books so darn depressing?
They’re literally filled with problems.
Round the rough and rugged rock the ragged rascal rudely ran.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
My neighbors are listening to great music.
Whether they like it or not.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
What do you say when you are happy with how life has been weeks before Easter? It’s so far been an egg-cellent spring.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
As soon as the plane was invented, things started looking up.
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
Yoda one for me!
My father is so cheap...
When we go to bed he unplugs the clocks.
At the baking competition in October, the chef said that he had eyes on the pies!