How does a bee get to school?
She takes a school buzz
Snow thank you.
My mother asked me if my dog was good
I said “Yeah. And my hot dog isn’t bad either.”
What happened when rockers couldn't get their favorite dessert? Rage against the Broken Ice Cream Machine.
Everyone teased the snowman for having a pointy nose, but he didn’t carrot all.
Do not eat that alphabet soup, or you will have a vowel movement.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
Why did the hunter miss his mark?
He was not aiming deerectly for it.
When do you know a joke is a dad joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
What did the introverted pig say when asked why they don’t like socializing?
“I’m not a people porcine.”
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
My wife is fed up of my constant Dad jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?"
Wife: "Whatever means necessary!"
Me: "No it doesn't.”
What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone.
What did the gardeners say when he discovered nasty weeds in his garden?
I have spotted spurge!
My mom told me to stop singing "Im a Believer" because it was annoying.
At first I though she was kidding...Then I saw her face.
After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
Sheena leads, Sheila needs.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
People really liked the new king's coronation day peach. He truly deserves the throne.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What's the motto of vegetables? Don't worry, pea happy.
An action potential takes the train to school. What is the name of the train station where it gets off for school?
Axon terminal.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
What do you tell a cheese going through a hard time?
Ricotta get through this.
My boat is starting to sink, I'm going to sell it.
See my boat listing in the paper.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
I have no idea how so many people didn’t make it out the labyrinth.
It only took me a minotaur two.
What do you call a necromancer werewolf?
A dog with a bone.
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
It’s a beautiful Degas!
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
Where are average things manufactured? The satisfactory.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
What is the favorite sport for the young bass? It is the bass get ball.
What Disney movie can a deer watch over and over again?
Fawn-tasia.
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
My mum asked me to watch the stove while she went to the bathroom. She was so angry when she got back...
Things really boiled over