What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
I wish medusa would stop objectifying people.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
hat do you call it when a runner from Moscow starts a race at Red Square that ends in Finland?
Russian to the Finnish.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
It is a great idea to ask peaches to make your shoes. After all, they make excellent cobblers.
Are you a magnet? Because I find you very attractive.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!
I have a serious love-heat relationship with summer.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.
He sent in ten different puns hoping at least one of the puns would win but, unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
Mascara and lipstick broke up last week.
Now they are trying to make-up!
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
What do you call the worlds tallest mosquito?
Himalarya.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
Q: Why could the fruits not see anything?
A: It was peach black there.
My electrician friend accidentally blew the power to the ice-making factory. Now they’ve gone into liquidation.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
I fence-y you.
Why did the castle keep swearing?
It had turrets.
What's E.T. short for?
Because he's got little legs.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
A lump of red leather, a red leather lump.
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about
the present, I didn’t get you one.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled...
But it's hard to say...
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
Top 25 Funniest Duck Names:
1. James Pond
2. Quack Sparrow
3. Duck Norris
4 Quacks-a-Lot
5 Quackhead
6 Quacko
7. Quackers
8. Nutquacker
9. Quacker Jack
10. Quack Efron
11. Quack Black
12. Moby Duck
13. Quackula
14. Sir Duckington
15. Eggbert
16. Quackers
17. Duckleberry Finn
18. Quacker Jack
19. Lucky Duck
20. Cheese and quackers
21. Quaker Jack
22. Duckingham Palace
23.Waddles
24. Quackie Chan
25 Firequacker
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
What do a rabid rabbit and a basketball player have in common?
Mad hops.
What did baby corn say to Mama corn?
Where's Popcorn?
Living in france must be hard
I mean, 100 dollars is only a cent.
What do you call a chicken with a piece of lettuce in its eye? Chicken Caesar Salad
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
What did the trumpet pharaoh do when his girlfriend told him to pull out?
Toot and come in.
I know an old man who's a vampire. He's quite long in the tooth.
I used to be addicted to time travel,
but that's all in the past now.
What did the swimming pool say to the skimmer?
Leaf me alone!
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section.
What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?
Juan on Juan!