I saw an advert in the paper “Yacht for sale”.
As if people don't know what a yacht is for.
“Feliz navi-dog!”
Do you know where I store all my dad jokes?
In a dad-a--base
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
What did the Psychologist tell the geologist? "Every decline is a great Break Through"
What should you do when you play volleyball against a team of satanists? You beat the hell out of them.
Why does the spinal cord belong in the brass section of an orchestra?
Because of its dorsal and ventral horns.
Everyone teased the snowman for having a pointy nose, but he didn’t carrot all.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
Son: "Dad, why'd you name me Odysseus? He's from greek mythology."
Dad: "Well son, you broke through the trojan wall."
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
How did the vineyard launch the new champagne making business?
They crashed a small boat into it.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite musician?
Mozart-arella.
My best friend said we're like two peas in a pod. I'm confused, there's only one P in pod.
When can a pizza marry a hot dog? After a very frank relationship.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
Free Wifi!
Why? Was Mr. Wifi wrongfully accused or something?
What’s Irish and stays outside all year?
Patty O’Furniture
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
The police told me they'd throw me in jail the next time they caught me stealing board games.
But that's a Risk I'm willing to take.
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.”
Pirates used to make a delicious snack for themselves by crossing pate with flowers. They called it “lily livered”.
How did the archeologists know the skeletons were real?
They were bone-afide.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What do you call a train loaded with bubble gum? A chew-chew train.
How do locomotives hear? Through the engineers!
Friend: What are you gonna be for halloween? Me: Drunk!
Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go in pairs !
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
A happy hippo hopped and hiccupped.
Did you hear about the comedian who entertained at a werewolves’ party?
He had them howling all night.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
I had a tattoo of a Scorpion on my back last night and to tell the truth...
It stings like hell.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
What's green and wears a cape?
Super Pickle.
What do you call a poor ant?
A peas-ant.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
What do you call cheese that is acting crazy? A basket queso.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
You’re wine in a million.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.