Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
Cut a piece of poo into three pieces today.
Now I have turds.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
His chest.
Why don’t koalas like fast food? Because it’s too hard for them to catch.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
What was the main job of the bread truck? To haul buns.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
I’m bacon you! Please stop with the meat puns!
What do you call a guy with no arms and legs lying on a pile of leaves?
Russle.
I was so tired. I needed a sea-esta on the beach.
Do you want to know what you get when you cross a newborn snake with a basketball? Really! Ooh you will end up with a bouncing baby boa.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
Through three cheese trees, three free fleas flew. While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew. Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze. Freezy trees made these trees’ cheese freeze. That’s what made these three free fleas sneeze.
Flaked tuna is a great product for both campers, and dolphins
It's truly useful for all in tents, and porpoises.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
What do you call a necromancer werewolf?
A dog with a bone.
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
Mooning is very ASStrological
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
Ireland is pitcher perfect.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
My wife challenged me to a game of strip poker, but it turned out she just wanted to do laundry.
So I folded.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
What's the manliest fruit to eat?
Mango.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
Who will Frankenstein’s monster take to the dance?
Any old girl he can dig up.
What's the most musical cut of chicken? The drumstick!
What do you get if you cross a ski instructor and a vampire?
Frostbite.
How does a robot eat it’s guacamole?
Microchips.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Hey why Are The Viruses All Gone? Cause They "flu" AWAY.
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
What am I? A tea bag you dirty minded human...
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
How do you cheer up the patients at the vegetable hospital?
Bring a sick beet.
The favorite fruit of all ghost's are Bloooooo-berries!
How does a quarter moon always feel?
Crestfallen.