Good bowlers always keep their minds out of the gutter.
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
A lot of William Shakespeare’s plays were based off of old Greek and Roman performances
That's playgarism if you ask me.
Why do ants work so hard?
They are all serv-ants.
I have no idea how to raise chickens.
I think I’ll just wing it.
In what country is Thanksgiving ironically not celebrated? Turkey.
What do the astronauts put on their lunch toast? Space jam.
My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our backyard.
She's a keeper.
What do you call a Spanish Goat with no hind legs?
Gracias
What did the bowling pins do?
They went on strike.
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
What do you call it when worms eat all of the plants and take over the world?
Global Worming.
What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory? All that was left was de brie.
How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
Put it in a viola case.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
Why did the artist go to the lounge? Because it was her comfort tone.
On my farm, an entire lot of onions had some allergic reactions that broke out in chives!
The beauty with bowling is that you can get three strikes, but you still remain in the game.
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
Why did the pun fail his English class?
He didn't use proper pun-ctuation!
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
There’s a great new rock and roll cover artist doing the rounds at the moment – his name is Chuck Cherry.
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
What's the best kind of pan to make sushi in?
Japan.
Which Star Wars character was the orange cast for?
Emperor Pulpatine.
What do ghouls and goblins put on their nachos?
Ghost peppers.
If you want day-old soup, then come back here tomorrow!
Why are Ghosts in such good shape? Plenty of exorcise and a good die-t.
Pigs, when out in public, have to keep an eye on their valuables as they are vulnerable to pigpockets.
Spring is the perfect time to turn over a new leaf.
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
When I was learning how to cook soups, my mum asked me to follow my instinct. She asked me to go with the pho.
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call the FINE print!
Why did the two puns go to camp together?
They wanted to be pun-kmates!
Q. What do gorillas and big apes do to make each other laugh?
A. They tell punny jokes about humans!
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
A slow poke is what you get when you cross a turtle with a porcupine.
Have you heard about the guy who made a bomb out of a brain?
It was pretty mindblowing.
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
What do you call a cab which provides drug therapy? Chemotaxis.
I have a question for people who take the bus...
Are you supposed to give it back?
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.