We all know that monkeys of all species love bananas, however, there is one family that doesn’t really fancy them, the orang-utans.
What did the grandfather ghoul say to his grandson?
You gruesome!
Why are pilots so bad at basketball?
Because they're always traveling.
When you buy a bigger bathtub....
You have more bath room, but less bathroom.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
What did one cactus say to the other cactus ?
"Lookin sharp !"
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
Why couldn't the housefly board the plane?
It was on the no fly list
A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia were visiting Australia.
Unfortunately, one day they got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and eaten by a pair of crocodiles.
The female ate the Frenchman.
The Czech was in the male.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
There’s no reason to wine about you.
A man fell into a vat of varnish and died
He had a terrible end but a lovely finish.
What do you drink with the Queen of England? Royal-Tea.
Why the skeleton doesn't go to the theater?
Because he has nobody to go with.
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Took the family on a whitewater rafting trip, and first time we came to a sudden descent in the river, we lost everything...
That was just one of the downfalls!
Have you heard the new song from the band that entirely consists of vegetables?
It’s a master peas.
Did you know that the Greek god Chronos was in the Mafia?
He was the Don of Time itself!
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why did you guys not laugh at my space puns? Because there way to Sirius.
hat did the pizza slicer say when he wanted to rob the pizza?
“Hand over the dough or I’ll cut you!”
The killer whale planned its attack on the seals for weeks.
It was very carefully orca-strated.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
What did Katy Perry drink when she was little? Bust-Tea.
What do you call a mythical being working in a smoothie store?
Mejuicea.
Sleigh my name, sleigh my name.
How can you tell that the ocean is friendly? It waves!
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? a thesaurus.
Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?
They got hitched.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What did the nut say to his girlfriend at the pine-ic? “I am nuts about you, cashew see!”
Wino Woe: Forgive me, for I have zinned!
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank...
Was a monster!
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
What do you get if you cross a pigeon and a parrot? Voicemail!
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Why don't the Maple Leafs drink tea? Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin Pi.
Grandpa died because we couldn’t figure out his blood type.
At least he told us to be positive.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
What do Santa’s elves cook with in the kitchen?
A u-tinsel.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
What do strawberries wear to bed?
Jammies!
How tall is a spider?
Eight foot.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.