A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
Strawberries.
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
“If you’re lucky this Christmas, Santa Claus will grace you with his presents.”
The best part of astrology is reading your daily horror-scope.
Why did the two puns go to camp together?
They wanted to be pun-kmates!
What do Russians call a bad WiFi connection?
Inter-NIET
I met my husband while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...
straightaway I knew he was a keeper.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
Why don't murderers often attend tea parties?
They prefer a casual tea.
Cooking is bad for my anxiety.
I had to throw away my pressure cooker.
Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato
I beg your garden?
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
---
You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Why are artists so temperamental? They have to get into the right frame of mind.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
I highly encourage you to have more brain farts
It develops mental fartitude.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
What happens when a koala drinks too much alcohol? He gets a bear gut.
Don’t go bacon my heart.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked
doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
Don’t make such a Dreyfus about it.
My wife bought me an expensive umbrella and she’s been holding it over my head ever since.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What did the angry witch do after sitting on her broomstick?
She flew off the handle.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
Come witch me to the party.
What do you call babies with guns?
Infantry.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
Why don't mining towns have hospitals?
Because everyone there only ever suffers from minor injuries.
You are un-beer-lievable!
When I went to my favorite Irish cafe after years, I felt deja brew all over again.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
I had lunch once with a chess player at a restaurant with checked tablecloths. It took him 3 hours to pass me the salt.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.