You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
He’s an elf-made man.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Did you hear about the salad race the other day?
The Lettuce was ahead, but the Tomato was ketchoping up...
Did you hear about the cat that ate a ball of yarn? She had a litter of mittens.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
What do you get when you cross a Dinosaur and TNT? Dino-mite.
I love you a tot!
What do you call an imaginary color?
A pigment of your imagination.
Why is it good to drink witch's brew?
It's very newt-tricious!
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
If a robber robs a house under renovation and accidentally leaves his handprint on wet cement,
Does that mean that the police have concrete evidence?
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
I was talking to this guy about how I hate geometry. You know what he said to me.
You just have to look at it from a different angle.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
One of my friends got lost while touring Tokyo. Turns out it was all Ja-plan.
I like you sow much.
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
‘Tis the sea-sun to be jolly.
Where do you store peach juice? Inside of a peach-er.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
The fisherman was playing his out-of-tune guitar.
Luckily he caught a Tuna
People are always amazed by the skilled tattoo artists in Spain
Nobody expects the Spanish ink precision.
Why don’t readers have extra time? They’re booked.
The chicken got sent off in the middle of the match because of their persistent fowl play.
There are so many jokes about classical composers I could write you a Liszt.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
It is ridiculous having a basketball team that lacks a website. Do you mean none of them can string three W’s together?
What do French cherry parents say to their little cherries at home? You are mon cherry.
It’s allergy season again?! You’ve got to be pollen my leg.
What do chemists make guacamole out of?
Avogadros.
I burnt my Hawaiian pizza.
I should have used aloha temperature.
What did the egg say to the clown?
You crack me up.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side.
Past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
How does a potato win at Street Fighter? By mashing the kick button.
How did Reese eat her soup? Witherspoon.
I find bone puns very
Humerus.
I’m zesting a lemon for a recipe right now
It’s really appealing
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
It is really rare to find the most perfectly cooked steak.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.