When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
The snowman keeps having tantrums, they're real meltdowns!
Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? He was a dirty layer!
My banana grandad got in an accident last year, he bruised like a peach!
Did you know Stephen King has a son named Joe?
I’m not joking, but he is.
What do you call the Frankenstein of the Gardening world?
An A-botan-ation.
The summer sun makes me as happy as a clam at high tide.
I wanted to do the dishes and wasn’t sure where I put the dish soap.
Then it Dawned on me.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
Which mammal absolutely loves Merlot and Cabernet?
The Wineoceros.
My friend’s bakery burned down last night.
Now his business is toast.
What do zebras hold?
Ze boobs.
The national news did a story on my friend's bumper crop of green citrus fruits.
He loves being in the limelight.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
What did the swimming pool say to the skimmer?
Leaf me alone!
What would Jerry McGuire have said if he was a flower?
You had me at hydrangea.
What is a volleyball player’s favorite drink? Sets on the Beach.
How do ghosts stay fit? By exorcising daily.
From the b-autumn of my heart, I love fall!
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
If marriage is grand, what is divorce?
Ten grand!
Grandpa: “Don’t scare me, I’m a heart patient.”
“If you scare me, I’ll never talk to you again.”
Seven sleazy shysters in sharkskin suits sold sheared sealskins to seasick sailors.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
Q: How does an artist fill in a CV?
A: He draws on experience.
“Remember: don’t eat the yellow snow.”
What do you call two male avocados who hang out and drink together?
Avocabros.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
It is said that crows and owls are in caw-hoots.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
Cold Ski Pun of the Day: I'm tired of slalom skiing. Alpine over another telemark now.
Chairlift Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, is it really windy up here, or are you just blowing me away?
More candles means a bigger wish!
What do you call two beautiful cat that sit together in the basin?
Purrfectly in sink.
I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was about to put a third set on it, but the old bike didn’t work anymore. which is understandable. The bike was already retired.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
"There's a woman trapped under a motorway bridge in Italy."
"Genoa?"
"I'm not sure, I can't see her face."
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
Why did the skeleton go to acting classes?
He wanted tibia star.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!