Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
You’re my pot of gold.
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.
I’m very frond of you.
I heard Medusa looked really pretty.
In fact, her looks were stunning.
What should you do when you play volleyball against a team of satanists? You beat the hell out of them.
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
Red wasn't feeling very well for the past few weeks. He has been diagnosed with scarlet fever.
It’s going to be awkward if Mr. and Mrs. Burr...
ever lose their son Tim in a forest.
Ski Area Pick-Up Line: Hey baby, I bet this chair lift weighs enough to break the ice.
Be careful, too many birthdays can kill you!
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
Who do you call a pig who can paint like a great artist? Pablo PIGcaso.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
Can you explain why your neighbor’s yard is so messy and overgrown?
“We’d never.”
What type of diet did the snowman go on?
The Meltdown Diet.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
The other day I asked an Alaskan guy if he wanted to eat some seal meat.
He wasn’t really inuit
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
What travels all over the world, but stays in a corner?
A stamp
Now that it's summer, we've got to seas the day!
Why was the bread actor so unhappy?
She lost out on a juicy roll.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
Who’s your paddy?
What did the real estate agent say to the lady at the bar?
"Ma'am, is your name FHA loan? Because you have most certainly caught my interest."
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you and feel glad you are alive?
I just did and apparently I will not be allowed on this airline again!
What did one witch's cat say to the other?
You look familiar.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.