I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
What did one bread say to another after a long day? Don’t worry because tomorrow will be butter.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
Join us for a slice of fun.
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
Pumpkin Spice season is finally here, better latte than never.
What is a monkey’s favourite cookie?
Chocolate Chimp!
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
How can you tell that a zombie used to be a father?
By his dead bod.
Why did the man keep punching his doughy friend?
To get a rise out of him!
Where do skeletons go hang out at night?
Anywhere, as long as it's a hip joint.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
Hummus a tune.
When the egg saw the pan, it was terri-fried.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital.
He was on a fairway to heaven.
How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me.
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
Why do bees stay in the hive during the winter?
Swarm.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why can't TLC be nurses?
Because they don't want no scrubs.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
How did I make the mango tree fit in my flower-pot?
I planted it.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
I want to start gardening, but I haven’t botany plants.
Nowadays oranges have decided to go out with prune. The reason is that it is becoming so hard to find a date.
What do you call memory loss in a parrot?
Polynesia
I was cutting cheese into very small pieces with a knife. The knife was great but a machine to help would’ve been grater.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
You’re my pot of gold.
Two fish are in a tank, one says to the other "how do you drive this thing?"
You have your mother in law, father in law, son in law doughter in law but your wife is...
The law
Q: What’s red and invisible?
A: No cherries.