I put my root beer in a square glass
Now I just have beer
You knead me in your loaf.
You don't know jack-o-lantern
What do you call two banana skins? A pair of slippers
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
How would you call a tutle's poo?
Turdle.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn't have the guts.
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
The most notorious one of all pirates was very sad. It may have been because he was Bluebeard!
What do you call a Boston creme donut that’s a straight-A student?
The creme of the crop.
What do you call an acid with attitude?
A meano-acid.
Never date a Theater person...
... wayyy too much Drama...
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
What happened when Dr. Frankenstein swallowed some uranium?
He got atomic ache.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
It’s Fall coming back to me now.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
This kind of wine does not go right through you. Trust me, you will pee no noir.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Even if injuries end it prematurely, Paul's had a good Kariya.
What do you call half of a centaur?
A per-centaur.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
Why did the artist go to the lounge? Because it was her comfort tone.
What do seals do when they need medical attention?
Sea kelp.
What do you get when you cross a goblin, a stop sign, and immortality?
An everlasting gobstopper!
My deaf girlfriend just told me, “We need to talk.”
That is not a good sign.
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
Which monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?
Prankenstein.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What's the difference between Greek yogurt and regular yogurt?
Greek yogurt has a rich cultural history.
I'm surprised you all aren't talking more about that drug with the side effect of making scalps wrinkled.
I mean, it's been making a LOT of head lines.
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
Are you a thief? Because you stole my heart.
[Water Slide] I was going to get some work done, but I decided to let it slide.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
A big black bug bit a big black bear made the big black bear bleed blood.
What did the little goats say when they were caught playing a prank on the sheep?
Sorry, we were just kidding.