Each Easter Eddie eats eighty Easter eggs.
Why did the skeleton need a hug?
Because he had nobody.
My boss fired me.
"Why?" I asked.
He said, "You always question authority."
"How?"
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What kind of celebration pays down the national debt? A tea party.
I was caught smuggling a taco into the new star wars movie...
...they now call me Rogue Juan
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
What do you call the Commander of a vegetable army?
A kernel.
What did the ice cream cone write on his valentine card?
You make me melt.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
This hottie has forever changed the film industry, and it starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'. Reel your mind back in - we're talking popcorn!
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
What do you find if you hang from a cherry tree for hours and hours? You find that your arms get sore.
I checked my phone bill after my trip to Italy, and it said I spent DCXII dollars.
I must have left on Data Roman.
Good gourd, pumpkin spice latte season is officially here.
What activity should you do when you’re babysitting little cheeses?
Build a roquefort.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
The big black bug bit the big black bear,
but the big black bear bit the big black bug back!
Why didn't the toilet paper finish the race?
Because it was wiped out.
Where do Danish players aim with the puck? Top kroner.
Why did the skier from Helsinki dominate the downhill slalom competition?
He led the race from start to Finnish.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
What's in a honeymoon salad?
Lettuce alone
What do you call two spine bones that are friends?
Vertebros.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
I've decided to stop being a fork and become a spoon.
I just woke up one day and didn't see the point anymore.
A man walks into a flower shop "I'd like some flowers please."
"Certainly, Sir. What did you have in mind?"
He shrugs "Well I'm not sure, I uh, I uh, I uh..."
"Perhaps I could help. What exactly have you done?"
Help!!! There's nobody steering this yacht!!
Don't worry. It's on yachtopilot.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
How did the egg get up the hill?
It scrambled up.
While the blues musician performed his most famous song, balloons of every color were released in the arena. Guess we may get to call it the 'House of Hues'.
What did the nut tell itself before crossing the finish line? “I pe-can do it!”
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
Why did the cookie monster rob the keebler elves? Because they had a lot of dough.
I'm giving away my legless parrot, no perches necessary!
You are pitcher perfect.
Why do accountants make good lovers?
They're great with figures.
Did you hear about the bread party? It’s scone be a lot of fun, and wheat love for you to join us.
Air conditioner technicians...
love to vent about their job in order to cool off.
My friend just found out she will be giving birth to twins in 9 months!
For now, they're just cell mates.
My cardiologist friend keeps sending me x-rays of his chest.
A bit weird, I know, but it just shows his heart is in the right place.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.