Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
What's brown, lumpy, and sits on a piano bench?
Beethoven's Last Movement
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
Why do wine lovers guzzle down vine humor?
Because wine jokes are a barrel of laughs.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher that got killed by her students?
She couldn’t control her pupils.
Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...
Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.
My farts don’t smell, they don’t have noses.
Which rangy centre could cover the whole ice? Jean Umbrelliveau.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Did you hear the one about the watermelon pirate who went to the Caribbean? Must have desperately wanted to catch some arrgh and arrgh.
Cops should feed beans on very tiny plates to the suspects they're interrogating.
That way they're always gonna end up spilling the beans.
What do you call an ant that moves to another country?
An emigr-ant.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
The Montreal baseball team relocated to Tampa after being purchased by the
Exposito bros.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
The kids made cards for Mother's Day. I asked for a card as well, but they said I had to wait until Father's Day. I told my boy I had made a card for him, and he could have it the day after tomorrow,
on Sonday.
What did the horse reply when asked if it can jump 3 feet?
“I lope so!”
Why did the Math teacher get a divorce?
He substituted his wife for an ex.
Where do meteorologists like to drink after work?
The closest ISOBAR.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
Why don't they make boats out of peppers?
Because they're always capsaicin!
A toast to you:
You always know how to make everything butter.
What kind of doctor is always available?
An on-call-ogist.
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
When does a Koala go "moo"? When it is learning a new language!
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
What did one brain say to another?
I lobe you.
What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
What a is ghoul’s favorite pet?
Ghoulfish!
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager managing an imaginary menagerie.
Why can’t dishwashers do parallel dancing?
They’re never in sink.
Another cheese factory in France exploded...
I Camembert to hear this joke again!
I don't know don't about your faucet, but mine is doing a pour job.
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.
I really liked learning about displacement in Physics.
It's pretty straight to the point.
Snow on and snow forth.