Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
What is the call of a Spanish speaking owl?
Quién...Quién.
If a man is alone in the garden and speaks, and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
What did the married deer couple say to each other? I love you deer-ly!
How do you catch King Kong? Hang upside down and make a noise like a banana.
Beer is the greatest beverage on earth.
That's my pint of view, anyway.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
I have a buddy who was recently hit by a bus, while promoting pedestrian safety.The surgeons had to replace all the joints in his left leg with metal.
I think it's safe to say he can appreciate the iron knee
I was going to joke about my broken pencil, but it was pointless.
Always think hard before you get married because on one hand you have a cool ring but on the other hand you don’t.
This is snow laughing matter!
I won an argument about weather forecasting accuracy. My fellow debater's logic was cloudy. After his defeat, he was fuming and he stormed out of the room.
How excited was the gardener about spring?
So excited he wet his plants.
What did the realtor say to his wife?
"Speaking with you felt like buying a house for the first time - thrilling and nervous."
I went to Taco Bell and order nacho fries
the person behind the counter wouldn't give them to me, just kept saying "nacho fries".
I don’t know about you, but I think helicopter rescue pilots have the best pick-up lines.
How do you greet a skeleton in france?
"Bonejour."
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?
In the big inning. Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
What drives cheese crazy?
That everyone around them is crackers.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
How many cans can a cannibal nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans?
As many cans as a cannibal can nibble
if a cannibal can nibble cans.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What are the best vegetables to sleep under?
a can of peas.
What did the expired milk say after being picked up way past its due date? It was well beyond their wildest creams.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
How should you live your life? By seasoning the moment.
What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
Cream and Sugar.
Why did the pianist turn around on his way to the grocery store?
He forgot his Chopin Liszt.
How does Italy execute its criminals?
Guidotine.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
When you see something red that goes up and down, chances are it is a strawberry in an elevator.
No one likes eating outside in the winter.
It’s frost come, frost served.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
Why are burgers bad at telling jokes? Because they all are cheesy.
So I heard this joke about glass
But it clearly shouldn’t have been made
How did the struggling leaf get the job? He got the right qua-leaf-ications.
What is the name of the Hollywood movie that stars an "outlaw" brain and an "outlaw" woman on a road trip?
Thalamus and Louise.
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
What’s that feeling you get every month when the mortgage is due?
Homesick.
When do franks tell insults? At a wienie roast!
When you accidentally step on a cheerio, you become a cereal killer.
What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
The living room.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin date.
Many people have a mythical belief about soup. It is called soup–erstition.
Who is the most famous actor in Greece ?
John Travolta.