Why is Frankenstein’s monster so popular?
He’s a real people person.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
I heard they sent a beer into space, destined to leave the solar system. They called it Interstella Artois.
How do you kill a southern vampire?
You bless his heart.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
Why don't potatoes go to parties?
They're scared of the Monster Mash.
Where to Bees go to party in Spain?
Ibiza.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
I put a blanket on a small pepper
He said he felt a little chili
It takes one to snow one.
Do you know why the boy didn't want to become a cheese slicer like his brother?
He wanted to become a grater man.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What kind of wine do they serve at the horse races?
Chardon-neigh!
Why did the skeleton start the fight?
He had a bone to pick.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
Midwife (handing me the baby): "Make sure you’re supporting his head."
Me: "That’s a great head you have there, Well done!"
What do you call it when cows do battle in outer space?
Steer Wars.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
The worst pub I’ve ever been in was called The Fiddle.
It was a vile inn.
I always find artists romantic because when they love you, they do it with all their art.
What do you call a nervous baby ant?
A little antsy.
What did the grilled cheese sandwich say to their date?
“You make me melt.”
There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminium pan.
Did you hear about the Italian chef with the terminal illness?
He pastaway. Now he’s just a pizza history.
I tried to milk my cow last night, but nothing I did seemed to work. It was an udder failure.
It was my first attempt at repairing my wobbly picnic table.
I totally nailed it.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!
Mother knows best, and when winter comes, Mother Nature snows best.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
What shape is a kiss?
A-lip-tickle.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
Did you hear about the new book called "100 Miles to the Next Restroom"?
It's by Will E. Mayket and Betty Wunt.
"I'm not a wino. I'm a wineYES!"
What is a frustrated mother’s favorite month?
I SAID NO-vember.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
What's a werewolf's favorite mode of transport?
A lunar cycle.
Why do the French eat snails? They dislike fast food.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
Every time when I see a picture of something amazing in space, I usually say “That’s totally far out.”
The scientist time travels between summer and winter using his autumn-mobile!
The best place on earth to shop for soccer kits is New Jersey.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.