What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
The ghost was told off when he spook out of turn.
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
Who else is a famous barnyard painter?
Pablo PIGcaso
What do you call a locomotive with a cold? A choo choo train.
Why are bread puns the greatest? They never grow mold.
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
I'm fascinated by water's gas form.
It mist-ifies me.
To which tier of fruits and vegetables do onions belong? They belong to the teary.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with an alien?
A Mars-upial.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
It's easier to prepare meals with this new cookware-wolf.
What do you call a white crow?
A caw-casian.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
It’s lonely between Germany and Spain
Not many France, nobody’s Nice to me, everyone seems to be Lyon. It’s just Eiffel.
Fall is coll-arding; it’s time to leave.
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
Why was the peanut butter upset at his retirement party?
He was roasted.
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
Why did the blonde volleyball player end up getting fired from her waitressing job? Someone said she needed to serve the food.
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A blood orange.
You don't like the outdoors? Unbe-leaf-able.
The secretary left me a message saying humidity will hit 90% today...
She wrote it on a sticky note.
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
A small step for cyan, a giant leap for bluemanity.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
Why did the little girl color her paper heart pink rather than red?
She was feeling lighthearted.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
What would you call a vampire who is into finance?
Account Dracula.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
Why do travel nurses and boxers get along?
They know how to stick and move.
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
She saw Sharif’s shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure those were Sharif’s shoes she saw?
What are police cars made of?
Copper
Where do fish sleep? In the riverbed.
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
I went to the store today and bought some really oddly shaped eggs.
Now I can't find them. I think they've been mislaid.