What time does the Wicked Witch have her clocks set to?
Greenwitch Mean Time.
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left to school ?
Bison.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
It's only quarantine if it comes from the quarantine region of France;
otherwise, it's just sparkling isolation.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play? A mouse organ! Why do mice have long tails? Well, they'd look silly with long hair!
Why did the police arrest the star? That’s becuase it was a shooting star.
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
If you plant a light bulb in your garden, does it grow into a power plant?
What is the only thing that can cure a sick do-nut?
An antidought!
And speaking of meloncholy, I heard that’s what you get when you cross a watermelon and broccoli.
Who did the ghost invite to his party? Any old friend he could dig up.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
When single ladies get to the age of 50, they tend to get lots of cats.
This phenomenon is known as many paws.
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
We get fed up of long car journeys...
...meanwhile, truck drivers get fed ex.
Enough of the Corona virus jokes
We're all getting sick of them!
Doctor: Are you aware of your sodium intake?
Me: Na.
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a mammoth’s tusk?
A sabre-toothed tiger.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
How did the telephone propose to his girl?
Duh, ain’t it obvious? He gave her a ring!
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
Why did the poor werewolf chase his own tail?
He was trying to make ends meet.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.
Why can't tomatoes ever beat lettuce in a race?
Because lettuce is always a head, and tomatoes have to ketchup!
What did the pea dad say after a tiring day at work? "I'm desperate for some peas of mind."
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
"Can you help me get this pots and pans drawer in order? Something seems stuck here", My wife said one morning.
To which I said, "Sure honey, I hope this pans out"
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog? He is mist.
You have two cows, but only milk one. Your friend asks you…
"What about the udder one?"
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
What do you call a chicken staring at a salad?
Chicken sees a salad.
I just found out that my son got a tattoo of spades, diamonds, hearts, and clubs on his arm.
I might have to deal with him later.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
A turkey's favorite dessert is a strawberry gobbler.
The forager was in such mixed moods this morning and we guessed he picked and ate the wrong class of mushrooms.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
I was sailing my boat when a massive hand rose out of the water and then slowly disappeared...
I thought, 'That's the biggest wave I've ever seen!'