Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
Why are pickles in sandwiches always so polite?
They're well-bread.
If you must cross a course cross cow across a crowded cow crossing, cross the cross coarse cow across the crowded cow crossing carefully.
What does an obstinate piglet always say to his mama?
“Sow what?”
I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.
It's so refreshing.
You really mermaid my day.
Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
How many consultants do you need to change a light bulb?
You’ll get an estimate a week from Monday.
What do you call a small mother in the UK?
Minimum
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
What happened when Frankenstein’s monster first met his girlfriend?
It was love at first fright.
Wondering about a peach's favorite movie? Well it has to be the 'King's Peach'.
Was Just showing my dad my new living space. He asked “what’s upstairs?”
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk.”
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What is a beaver's most favorite drama series ever? Riverdale.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Which language do oranges use to speak to each other? Mandarin.
What happened to the Venus Fly Trap's plant food?
The arbor-ate-em.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
How do you know your eating rabbit soup? When there's a hare in it.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Q. Which Greek eggplant dish do deer really eat up?
A. Moose-aka.
Rudder valve reversals
What do you call a fish whith a car? A carfish!
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Did you hear about the man chopping an onion with the Grim Reaper?
He was dicing with death
My grandpa left me a violin and an oil painting in his will.
When I took them to be valued, I was told that they were by Van Gogh and Stradivarius. Sadly they were worthless as Van Gogh was rubbish at making violins and Stradivarius was an awful painter.
What is the similarity between my wallet and an onion? Whenever I open both of them, I cry.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Why is their ship called 3.14?
Because they are π-rates.
What cheese cries the most?
Babybel.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
“Did you know that Father Christmas has a daughter? Her name is Mary Christmas.”
What's green and pecks on trees?
Woody Wood Pickle.
What shape is a kiss?
A-lip-tickle.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...
I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.
I can't touch my aunt or I will explode.
She's made of auntie matter.
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
What do you call a really cold, young werewolf?
A pupsicle.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
Why don't mining towns have hospitals?
Because everyone there only ever suffers from minor injuries.
What did the insulted orange say to the kiwi? Ex-squeeze-me?
There was a kidnapping at school yesterday. Don’t worry, though - she woke up.
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.