Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
Where do robots go for fun?
The circuits.
Did you hear about the man who stole thousands of dollars worth of rare tea?
He went to prison for Oolong time.
Strawberries have berry good eyesight because they are packed with a lot of Vitamin See.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
Where do Eskimos keep their eggs?
In the egg-loo.
Why did the farmer decide not to buy an extra phone? It was because he already had one for onion rings.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
A con artist tried to convince me he could ejaculate deli meat
What a load of bologna.
What do you call a meal from the moon?
A satellite dish.
Seas the day.
What did the piece of Cheddar say to the ghost? I'm Lac-ghost intolerant
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant...
Dirty Bastards.
Why do you always bring a bag of chips to a party? In queso emergency.
I like playing chess with old people in the park, but it gets hard to find 32 of them each time.
Q: What is a peach’s favorite book?
A: War and Peach
Q: What happens to a cherry tree when it grows up?
A: It blossoms
What do you call a dude who really likes autumn?
A fall guy!
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
Tommy Tucker tried to tie Tammy's Turtles tie.
Did you hear about the volleyball players who are getting married? They say it was love at first spike.
Got a puncture in my tyre the other day. Think it was at the fork in the road.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
What do you get when you drink milk
A moostache
I went to a wedding of two nuclear technicians.
The bride was radiant and the groom was glowing.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
What’s the best thing about being a butcher? You get to meat the best people.
How did the hotdog overcome his fear of ketchup? He mustered up the courage.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
What do you call a panda who’s lost his dinner?
Bamboozled.
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
If you missed essential tomato cooking class
You can’t ketchup.
What do you call it when the Bigfoot in charge makes pasta for all the others?
Alpha Yeti Spaghetti!
Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
What do you call someone with Yellow hair on the beach?
A beach blond.
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
What did you have for breakfast?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for lunch?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What did you have for dinner?
- rubber balls and liquor!
What do you do when your sister comes home?
- rubber balls and liquor!
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”