Aliens hate playing golf in space as there are too many black holes!
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
What did the two coffee lovers say on their wedding day? We were meant to bean together.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
When is Monday coming?
MonSoon!
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
Witch fall flavor is your favorite?
The river turned out to be a great party guy because he just went with the flow.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
Whats The Most tiniest Virus Ever? "smallpox".
Thanks to you, I’m saddled with unnecessary peelings.
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What do you get when a duck bends over?
It’s Buttquack
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
I found out yesterday that the Mexican dish ghosts like the most is a boo-ritto.
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
What do German meat lovers breathe?
Hamburg-air
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
Big black bugs bleed blue black blood but baby black bugs bleed blue blood.
Keeping tropical fish in your home has a calming effect on the brain
because of the indoor fins.
What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?
Brrrr – itos.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
What is the national dish of Sweden?
Swedish.
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
What drink breaks the ice? Flirt-Tea. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
What’s the only type of melon that changes colours at will? Well, a chamelon.
What do skeletons complain about?
Aching bones.
What do you call a cow in a rooster costume? Roost beef.
What does a horse call its treats?
My greatest preakness.
Where do the cool horses live?
In rad-docks.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.
Why are cherries unassuming? Because they often get made into humble pie.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
What's the name of a nurse who inserts plastic tubes into people?
Catherine.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
My wife came home with a bunch of spring flowers and asked where I'd like her to put them.
I said, " I'll tell you where you can plant your tulips."
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
Why is corn popular around Halloween?
Because it’s so earie.
Why would a cow want to go to space? To see the Milky Way.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
I'm looking to sell my DeLorean. Good shape, low mileage...
Only driven from time to time.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.