All stereos are so typical.
If you were born and raised in France, what does that make you?
French bred.
I had an instant connection with someone in South Korea. I think they're my Seoul mate.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."
The surgeon was fired later that day.
What did the flirty coat say to the jacket?
"Do you hang here often?"
For my birthday, my kids got me an alarm clock that swears at you instead of beeping.
That was quite a rude awakening.
A really leery Larry rolls readily to the road.
Why was Van Helsing so dedicated to killing Count Dracula?
Because he staked his whole reputation on it!
Ow did the millionaire gardener get rich so quickly?
He was running a huge pansy scheme.
What do you call a gassy cowboy?
Wyatt Burp.
Do you be-leaf in magic?
My kid’s toy submarine was having trouble staying under water...
I hope this will not surface again
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
If you understand, say "understand".
If you don't understand, say "don't understand".
But if you understand and say "don't understand".
how do I understand that you understand. Understand!?
A functional gun shoots
While a broke one needs troubleshooting.
What do you feed the son of god? Cheeses of Nazareth.
I was a bit worried about making breakfast on Halloween
But I ain't afraid of no toast.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
Why was the cheese asked to leave the restaurant?
The cook said “we don’t serve your rind here”.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
What did the vegan wear to the beach?
A zucchini!
what do doctors use to draw blood?
A needle?
No, a red crayon!
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck.
I can heartly wait to see you.
I'm always really disappointed when I pull up to a yard sale...
And they aren't willing to sell me any of their yards.
What do you get when you throw a hand grenade into a French bathroom?
Linoleum Blownapart.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What does an artist call his sketch pad? A house.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
Why shouldn’t you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
Bro, are you a submarine?
Because you're so gnar.
What did the ghoul say to the clown on Halloween?
Tag, you’re it!
"Have an eggs-tra special Easter day."
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Have you heard about these new corduroy pillow cases?
They're really making headlines.
When they want to relax, ghosts have a boo-ble bath.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
Which ancient Greek Philosopher had a foot fetish?
Play-toe.
Or was it Sock-rates?
The sun is mad at the clouds because the clouds keep throwing shade.
Tobacco companies have made an orange flavored cigarette?
“They call it “Nico-tang”
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
I dressed up as a jousting lance for Halloween, but nobody got it.
I thought it was pretty straight forward.
What do you call a tariff on skin?
A tax-a-dermis!