What's the best Beatles' song to play at a coffee shop? Latte Be.
The company is planning to make a new series to show people how to fly an aeroplane. They are now filming the pilot.
Why did the witch's team lose the cricket game?
Their bats flew away.
What eats nuts and bolts?
A squirrel that’s running late.
Q: Where do fruits like to go on vacations?
A: To the peach.
Doctor doctor, I feel like a pair of curtains
Doctor: Pull yourself together
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
What do you call the leader of a biology gang?
The Nucleboss.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
The police came to arrest me after I tried to play my cat like a violin
They are charging me with Kitty Fiddling.
What does the winged horse do after it goes to the bathroom?
Pegaflushes.
I know someone who tried to runway after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
I once pranked my mom and told her that I had lyme disease
I still had a few ticks up my sleeve
Why did the pun fail his English class?
He didn't use proper pun-ctuation!
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
Can you can a can as a canner can can a can?
What do you call a hairy monster that lives by a dam?
A weir-wolf.
Are you a flame? Because I think I found my perfect match.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
It’s snow joke.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
Wind turbine mechanics and engineers are very fond of the blew color!
I'm thinking about writing a book about lamps. I think its a bright idea
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
A strawberry feels most comfortable in its py-jam-as.
People who use sleeping bags in the woods are soft tacos for bears.
Did you hear about the butcher that backed into the meat grinder?
He got a little behind in his work.
How do you put a baby astronaut to sleep?
You rocket.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
Why did the toddler chew on pebbles? He wanted to eat rock candy.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin date.
What’s it called your backpack messes up your spine?
Schooliosis !
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
What do apres-ski participants in white-out blizzard conditions eat for lunch?
Icebergers. BRR!
Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Because talk is cheep.
Trowel and error.
A woman asks her neighbor, "Can I borrow your lawnmower?"
Her neighbor says, "No, he's not home yet"
We’re a perfect mash.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why do physics professors prefer overweight students?
They have greater potential.
You’re brew-tiful!
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.