Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
I went to the hardware store and told the cashier I had to replace the plumbing for my sink. "Water pipes?" She asked.
I replied, "The round tubes that liquid flows through."
When my grandparents came over they said: “You look like you’ve grown a foot!”
I looked down to my feet, looked back up, and told them: “No, I still have just two.”
Repetition is the Mother of learning.
So who's the father?
Daddycation.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
My job installed this new faucet.
I'm really faucinated by it.
What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?
Buy a “sale boat.”
You met all of my koala-fications
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
Why do eggs hate jokes? Because they could crack up.
What will you call two quizzers having a date in spain comic con?
Spanish con-quiz-daters.
How do you measure the heaviness of a red hot chili pepper?
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now.
What would a barefoot man get if he stepped on an electric fence? A pair of shocks.”
What is the only animal smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
Why did the artist go to the lounge? Because it was her comfort tone.
What is the only similarity between a UFO and an affordable agent?
You usually hear about both but can never ever see one!
What do you call an artist without a palette? Someone who makes paintings without taste.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
Are you a beaver? ‘Cause dam.
Did you hear ISIS is spreading to Italy?
Nobody's concerned though, since it's just Italian ISIS and they're delicious. Especially cherry flavor.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.
What did the showerhead say to the conditioner?
"Get outta hair!"
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Why does Valentine's Day never work in Africa?
All the lion cheetahs.
I like you sow much.
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
Which sea creature gives the best hugs?
A cuttlefish
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
You’re a unit of electrical energy, Harry.” I’m a watt?”
Did you hear about the goblin that got his left arm and left leg cut off?
Well don't worry, he's all right now.
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
They’re always a little short.
I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.
My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
Why can’t a legless skeleton win an argument?
They don’t have a leg to stand on.
How does a Ghost say good-bye? - I can’t wait to seance you again.
"Have a hoppy Easter."
What do you get from an Alaskan cow ? Ice Cream
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
How do you know it’s getting kind of serious with a cheese lover?
They tell you they are pretty fondue you.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call a bully on Halloween? A jerk-o-lantern.