Brother: "My friend John is in Greece studying abroad."
My Dad: "What's her name?"
Did you guys hear about the camel that got a gig playing a cow on Broadway?
She was a real drama dairy.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar.
The bartender says: "Hold it! We don't serve minors here."
‘Tis the sea-sun to be jolly.
Today I went to the bee store
And I wanted 12 bee's but when I checked out the cashier gave me 13 and I asked him why he gave me 13 instead of 12 and he said it was a free bee.
The student asked the teacher, “Cashew a question?”, and the teacher replied, “Nut now”.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
what does goblin's blood consist of?
A hemogoblin
What are the best mushrooms to have with a jacket potato? Button mushrooms!
How do sheep greet each other during the holidays? Fleece Navidad!
We were mermaid for each other.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What do you call a fish whith a car? A carfish!
What do you do with dead geologists?
You barium.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
Don't use raw milk to make butter
It's not worth the whisk.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
How do you stop an Internet troll?
Seize their memes of production.
My son's has never really had much of an appetite.
But suddenly today he's eaten a dozen Kinder eggs whole.
He's full of surprises.
In the magazine polls held this fall, Autumn was declared as the cutest season because it's awwwtumn!
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
What dinner dish does a developing neuron use?
A neural plate.
How did the calf’s final exam turn out?
Grade A.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What kind of tropical fruit wants to visit the moon?
A Coco-naut
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
You’re not 50 years old, you are 20 years old with 30 years of experience!
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
The police officer only had soups for dinner. He was a soup-erintendent.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
My friend said he got a package containing soaps from around the world...
But it was a pack of lyes.
Do you know how to dunk cookies? Ask a basketball chef.
Asked my friend why a knife is his favourite utensil.
He said “a spoon and a fork just don’t cut it”.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
KID :"DAD, make me a sandwich."
DAD :"Poof, you're now a sandwich."
There’s muffin I wouldn’t do for breakfast.
Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo.
We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.