What do you call a werewolf with no legs?
Anything you like – he can’t chase you.
You know why I love bread puns? Because they never go stale.
I had never seen a horse that white. Perhaps, that is why it is called a mayo-neighs.
Why go to the beach? I’d rather be by the ski-side.
Not every legume can be a nut.
But a pea can.
I like jokes. But jokes about air conditioners?
I'm not a fan.
What kind of hats does the skeleton baseball league wear?
Skullcaps.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
I used to own a rabbit, but now he’s just some bunny that I used to know.
What did the banana do when he saw the monkey?
The banana split.
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
Talk literary to me.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
Take a vampire to a bar, and you don't need to ask what he wants to drink. He'll have a Bloodweiser.
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
What do you call a gorilla wearing headphones?
Anything you'd like, it can't hear you.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Why did the skeleton put on a heavy coat?
He was chillled to the bone.
I replaced the milk in the milk carton with lemon juice.
People were really sour about it.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
What did the bus say to the frog? Hop on.
What do mushrooms watch on TV?
Spores.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Never tell a taco a secret
It will spill the beans
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
The team’s star basketball player decided to remain at home the entire weekend. He didn’t want to be called out for travelling.
Why did the hamburger dress up as a computer? Because he wanted to be a Big Mac.
What did the vegetables say to the Salad Dressing? Lettuce all smile.
She saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa. But was she so sure she saw Sherif's shoes on the sofa?
Why does everyone paint Easter Eggs? Because it is a lot easier than wallpapering them.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.
Don't worry, bee happy!
Q. How did the wedding between the stag and the doe begin?
A. Deerly beloved...
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
What does a vampire need for making breakfast in the morning?
Pancake batter.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
What do you call someone who owns a boat dealership?
A Sailsmen.
Wolves love taking woofles for breakfast, they are sweet and amazing.
What happened when the butcher backed up into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work!
Why don't squirrels wear skinny jeans?
Because their nuts won't fit.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.