What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
I came, I thaw, I conquered.
There are so much beautiful sceneries near the river valleys. They are totally gorges.
Q: What kind of decisions do peaches make?
A: Fruitful ones.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
It's really easy to learn white water kayaking
You just go with the flow.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
What do ghouls eat for supper? Spooketi
What do you call bananas that don't stick up for themselves? A bunch of pansies.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
Why are wintertime fortune tellers so reliable?
They can see what is mitten in the stars.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? A hot, diggety dog.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Why was Officer Peanut Butter out in the road? Because he was directing a traffic jam.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
How did Henry VIII like his coffee? Decap.
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
I used to be a personal driver in France
But now I have nothing to chauffeur it.
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
How many yaks could a yak pack, pack if a yak pack could pack yaks?
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside.
When shouldn't you drink a hot beverage? If it's not your cup of tea.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What do you call a dude who really likes autumn?
A fall guy!
The least favorite day for an orange is a juice day.
What do you call unwanted revealing comments about a movie?
Spoilers.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
Federer is such a legend that they named the Roger’s Cup, and Fed Cup after him.
I'm moving some couches today...
Sofa, so good!
This whole birthday thing is getting old, don’t you think?
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
The calm before the score
How are snow boards and vacuum cleaners alike?
Both have dirt bags on board.
What do you call a cake that likes heavy metal?
Megadeath by Chocolate.