What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
Which local sportswriters are most effusive? Those who work in the praise
box!
Why do cows lie on each other in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
Challah if you see me in the streets. Will do.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
The color of the sky can help in predicting the weather. It gives a fair report of the hue-midity.
Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
Elephant boxing matches are very difficult to watch. It becomes tough to identify as both have grey trunks!
Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.
Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism
Two detectives interrogate a 37 year old mute man. The detectives give the man a notepad which he scribbles on for a few seconds, and hands back to them.
"I'll never talk."
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
Why did the cow wear a bell around her neck?
Because her horn didn’t work.
Stop looking for the perfect match..
Use a lighter!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
The chickpea wrote a book, but he didn't release it until after his death. He wanted to do it post-hummusly.
The apple says to the pineapple “What? Go out with you tonight? It will not happen in a million years!” Since then, we have a crushed pineapple.
What is a ghoul's favorite soup?
Ghoul-ash.
A monster terrorized a village.
He kept doing it ogre and ogre again...
What did they give former Flyers left-winger Brian when he successfully
bulked up? Massive Propps.
For my wife's birthday, I bought her some beads for her abacus
It's the little things that count.
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
You have goat to be kidding me.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
When the heat turns down, we thieves gather in our secret hideout for a meeting.
We call it our Con Den session.
The doctor told me I probably won’t be able to walk again after getting into an accident with a newspaper delivery truck.
I was crushed by the news.
What’s a donut’s favorite lullaby?
“Sprinkle, Sprinkle Little Star.”
What medication does a snake with hay fever take?
An antihissstamine.
What do you call a whirlwind winter romance?
Love at frost sight!
Can I go to France this year? Of Corsican!
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
How does a rude princess sit on a horse?
Snide-saddle.
What did the home owner say to the mug shot when he put it up on his wall
"You've been framed!"
Why did the ad agency hire a hydra?
She knew how to wear many different hats.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
How did the Iceland repel the bananas attack? By freezing them
Did you hear the one about the recycling family of triplets? Polly, Ethel and Ian.
What did the drum say about his childhood?
Those were the cymbaler days.
What did the banker want from the baker?
To pump her nickels.
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
I eat a ton of corn everyday.
I guess that makes me a cornivore.
You’re my soul Santa.
When the mama peach found out that his child had failed his class, she was s-peach-less.
Gold riddance.
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.