What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
I’d like to throw away my old can, but my pusher friend here says he loves junk balls.
When do you put paprika on eggs? Fry-Day.
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
What is an electrician’s favorite flavor of ice cream? Shock-a-lot.”
What do you call a very little cherry? Pit-iful.
What do Ghosts say when they are impressed? - That was spectre-cular!
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Don’t worry, Moher pictures are coming.
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
If you want to vacation in Italy, don't be afraid to Rome around.
Did you hear about the crocodile who was unable to mate?
He had a reptile dysfunction.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
"Dad, my computer can't find the Wifi printer anymore... I renamed it to Bob Marley, same password."
"Why Bob Marley?" - he asked.
"Because its always jammin"
Why are the electricians always up to date? Because they are ‘current specialists.
"Bugs and hisses."
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
Witches always fly on broomsticks because they want to make a clean getaway.
How do you Charlemange-age to get through the last few days before vacation?
Why did the watermelon go crazy?
“He lost his rind.”
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
Have you heard the one about the lemon cat?
It was a real sour puss.
One day, my stepfather ordered some fish tacos. I asked him what kind of fish goes in a fish taco.
He said, "Dead."
How did the cardiologist figure out what she wanted to do with her life?
She just followed her heart.
What’s striped and goes round and round?
A tiger in a revolving door.
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
My dad just told be a cool joke about drums
I thought I’d snare it with you guys
What do you call an immature goat?
A silly billy.
"What are your thoughts on diving?"
"Well, I guess it's descent as a hobby."
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
How can astronauts get more protein in their diet? They make it meteor.
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
I can't stand when people kick me in the back of the leg.
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What happens to a nervous nut?
It cracks.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
Like a pro wrestler in a headlock, I’m indulging in a little Sham pain.
What did the monkey say when he cut off his tail?
It won’t be long now.
Why can’t a fish every play volleyball? They are afraid of the net.
What do you call a stolen yam? A hot potato.
Did you expect to laugh at puns?
No, but they've groan on me!