Where was Solomon’s temple located?
On the side of his head.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
What is as big as a steam locomotive, but weighs nothing? Its shadow.
Herb your enthusiasm.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
In the mushroom bus, one mushroom said to the other, "Please scoot over, there is not mush room."
My friend wasn't accepted for a teaching job because he was cross-eyed
They thought he wouldn't be able to control his pupils.
Did you hear about the vampire who only had one fang?
He just had to grin and bare it.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Why did the nut go to the bank?
To cashew its check.
For generations every male in my family has made and passed on their dad jokes.
Guess you could call it pop culture.
An astronaut broke up with his girlfriend
Apparently he didn't love her to the moon and back.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
Why doesn’t anyone like to hang out with crackers?
Someone always cuts the cheese.
What do you call a self-obsessed egg?
An eggomaniac.
Did you hear about the nun who got into trouble for drinking communion wine from her convent's medieval goblet?
No, but it serves her rite.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
What did the snail say to the other who had hit him and run off? I'll get you next slime!
There’s so mushroom in my heart for you.
Ants in your plants.
What’s a missionary’s favorite kind of car?
A convertible.
Fall arrives, and all hell bakes loose.
Who’s the arch-enemy of the Gsus chord?
The Dmin chord.
Swimming pools are just chlorified bathtubs...
What is it called when two spies hug?
A bond-ing moment.
I'm reading a book about metal fasteners.
Riveting stuff.
My peach friend shaved for the first time the other day, he looks like a nectarine!
When we spill soup on the comic book, we will get soup-erman.
How do the Skywalkers like their bath water?
Luke-warm.
I took my boat out to go fishing today. I looked over and saw my neighbor’s dock was parallel to mine.
I guess I found my self in a real “para-docks”
The walnut was not good at sports but did really well with his macadamia at school.
What did the flower say after he told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg!
What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
I hate it when the grammar Nazis single me out.
It seems like a which hunt.
What's an inmates favorite food? Cellery.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
The weather outside is snow joke.
The only reason i want to become a father is to make dad jokes all the time. Some people think I am kidding
But i’m dad serious
Fall is coll-arding; it’s time to leave.
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
Mrs. Ippi.
Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
Inviting cherries over for a drinks party is easy. Simply start your invitation with “You are cordially invited…”
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What does a straw and a view have in common?
You can get a paper straw and you can also get pay per view.
People didn't smile for pictures in the early days of photography...
It was frowned upon.
Have you ever seen a fish cry?
No, but I’ve seen a whale blubber.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
It's almost impossible to tell someone if a vacuum works or not.
Either it sucks or it sucks.