Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
I'd advise against letting a vampire drive you home after a Halloween party. They never check their mirrors, it will drive you batty.
Seven sleazy shysters in sharkskin suits sold sheared sealskins to seasick sailors.
What’s the least honest bone in the body?
The fibula.
What does a witch get if she crosses a black cat and a lemon?
A sour puss.
Why don't murderers often attend tea parties?
They prefer a casual tea.
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!
What kind of party is held in a cornfield?
A cornball!
I can’t believe I framed the ball in for a winner. Shank you!
Let’s get elf-ed up.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What do you call a little ghost with a torn sheet? A hole-y terror.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
Why do donuts hate puns so much?
They donut like to joke around!
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Paddy like a rockstar.
"Doctor Doctor I feel like a supermarket"
How long have you been feeling like this?
"Since I was Lidl."
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Talking at the local chocolate factory is frowned on. When I’m there, I need to wispa.
Accidentally I spilt some tomato ketchup in my eye.
In Heinze sight, it was my mistake.
Toilet paper plays an important roll in my life, it would be pretty sh**ty without it.
How do you spot a car made by Apple?
It does not have Windows.
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
What does Miley Cyrus eat at Christmas? Twerk-ey!
Did you hear about the shoe factory that exploded?
Many soles were lost.
How did the pot head propose to their spouse?
Marriage, You wanna?
This pizza party is the perfect topping to a great summer.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
Why was the teapot sitting in the corner?
It was having a pour attitude.
What did the mayonnaise say when somebody opened the refrigerator? “Hey, close the door! I’m dressing!”
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.
What do you call a small fish magician? A magic carpet
Why do golfers love donuts?
Always a hole-in-one!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
A space fish is usually called starfish.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.
A man goes to the Doctor with a banana in one ear, a carrot in the other ear and a cucumber up his nose. “What’s wrong with me doc?” He asks.
“It’s easy, you're not eating properly.” the doctors replies.