What does a zombie say as he squishes your brains between his fingers?
Got your knows.
Where do bad beavers go?
They're dammed to hell.
Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?
The ICU.
What's an prisoners favorite battery? Duracell Why are inmates so angry all the time? Cause they have bad cell service.
What’s a tree’s favorite dating site?
Timber.
A beaver asked his fellow beavers to hurry up and said, "Water you waiting for, make haste."
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What did the happy kitten say? I’m feline good!
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
What do you call someone who only eats tiny bits of other people?
A cannibble.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
German Wi-Fi is the WURST.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
What do politicans need to drink? Honest-Tea.
Why should you never argue with decimals?
Decimals always have a point.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
Don’t be a jerk-o-lantern this Halloween — share your candy!
Do black and white count as colors?
It's a gray area.
We are mint to be.
I usually sing with a deep voice. But when I wash my hands,
I sing faucetto.
How does a rainbow greet the other weathers? With a yellow of course!
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
Blue and green stopped fighting because they had agreed on peace teal.
All stereos are so typical.
Where do recluses live in Spain?
Barceloner.
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
The only ship that has never docked on their harbor is the premiership.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
The inventor of mosquito repellent likely did not know where to begin...
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Werewolf Weather Furcast: Tomorrow we expect heavy showers.
My mate Gavin passed away from heartburn last week.
Still can’t believe Gaviscon
I always feel like a winner in France, which is great because I hate Toulouse.
Hap-pea-ness is when you and your friend are like two peas in a pod.
While breaking up with Princess Peach, Mario said "You are so peachy, I can't take it anymore".
when I smelled breakfast in the morning it was bacon me eggcited.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
“Did you know that Father Christmas has a daughter? Her name is Mary Christmas.”
"No eggs-cuses."
A Pun, a Play on Words, and a Limerick walk into a bar....
No Joke.