The favorite colors of fishes are deep blue and aquamarine blue.
The nut said it was very pine-ful when its’ shell cracked.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
When does it rain brains?
During a brain storm.
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
A protestor threw a bunch of spices on Jason "Pink" London, but all it did was leave him "Saged and Confused".
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What did the ice-cream say to the unhappy birthday cake? "What's eating you?"
How does a Man cut his hair on the moon? Eclipse it.
How do eels travel across the seafloor? By Octo-bus.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
It was chipped.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
What sport are eggs best at?
Running.
What do you get with surprise peas?
Wet legs
I'm saving for a rainy day, so far I've collected a couple of raincoats, an anorak, and a dinghy.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
The bus driver was so friendly and nice, it was a 'joy ride'!
When a gardener asks you how much you love them, you could try the effective – I love you from my head to-ma-toes.
What is the similarity between a superhero and an onion? They both have layers.
If you are ever babysitting a cherry, remember that their favorite cartoon is Tom And Cherry.
Why did the frog make so many mistakes?
It jumped to the wrong conclusions.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
How can you tell if you’ve told a really funny Irish joke?
People will be Dublin over with laughter!
I couldn't shave this morning because someone stole my mirror.
The police are looking into it.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Caesars.
How are waiters and blockers similar? When they do a good job, they get a big fat tip.
did you hear the one about the sheep in car wreck?
it was baaad.
When the moisture from the sky stops falling
It really stops waning
I tried to turn on a tap. It was a bit stiff though...
So I had to faucet.
Salami get this straight - you don't like meat puns?!
My dad kept calling referring to this mason jar as his “boom box”.
When I asked him why, he responded “I use it for all my jams!”
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital?
To have his ghoul bladder removed.
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
The doctor advised I tried a milk bath. I asked if it needs to be pasteurized. No, just above the knees she replied.
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
I like you a latke!
How do a group of skeletons drive to work?
In the carpal lane.
Where is the Ghost’s bedroom located? Down the Hall-oween.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
A prankster played a really dark and dim-witted joke at the theatre. He turned off the lights.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
I’m ready to shamrock and roll.