What is Tesla's favorite gun?
A musket
Dad Bee left. Mama Bee calls out ...
Honeycomb home!
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Why do painters always fall for their models?
Because they love them with all of their art.
Seas the day!
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
Too tired, I’m out of aspara-gas.
What do goblins and ghosts drink when they’re hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid!!!
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
What is the most popular flower in France?
Croissanthemums.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
What do you call a person who illegally delivers hugs from country to country?
An international snuggler
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Large, pink birds are a good asset to a football team. They’re very used to playing flamingoalie.
What does a deer call a hunter?
“Doe foes.”
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
What are the favorite video games for basketball players? Shooting stars.
Who is the first farmer to walk on the moon?
Neil Farmstrong.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
. What do you call it when you heard the same jogger pun earlier, yet laughed again?
A running joke.
Did you hear about the crook who was stealing guitars from classic rock stars?
He was just arrested for Petty theft.
The librarian is kicked off the aeroplane because it has already been overbooked.
The guests were already at the door and we realized we forgot to make dessert. As a last-minute resort, my wife took the skillet, spread some frosting on it and said,
"Pancake".
Super-duper storm troopers whoop it up at Death Star groupers: helmet thrashing, rebel bashing, laser blasting at party poopers.
A berry from which you can directly drink out of is a straw-berry.
What do you call someone who acts like a piece of fish poop?
A bassturd.
How does a car tell you to get out?
‘Get out, or I shall give you the boot.’
What did the avocado say to the fork? “You guac my world.”
Why does the mushroom always get invited to pizza parties?
Because he’s such a fungi!
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
How did the beaver build the insides of a dam using logs? He logged in.
What did one of Frankenstein’s ears say to the other?
I didn’t know we lived on the same block.
I made my mother's French sister angry
Now she's a cross aunt.
Why did the FBI surround the president with cows? They were beefing up security!”
How are guys just like coffee?
The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night!
Why can't guitars have fun with friends with benefits?
Because without strings attached they just can't play...
When the theatre owner dies, his visitation hours are as follows: 1pm, 3pm, 6:30 pm, 9pm, and midnight.
What did the orange say when a knife pierced it’s peel? Flesh wound.
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
We should've guessed the failed postman wouldn't be any better at delivering his acting lines.
Today I learned that the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
Why isn’t the tomato a vegetable?
It couldn’t catch up.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
Once upon a time I was accidentally made a priest.
It was a clerical error.
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.