What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
What do we get when we cross a Christmas tree with an apple? We will have a pine – apple!
I got fruit preserves on my finger.
Doctor said I was jammed.
I'm glad I have my 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.
Otherwise, I'd have been amputated at birth.
Why did the parmesan swipe left on the cheddar?
His pick-up line was too cheesey.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
What do we call a deer without any eye?
“No – eye – deer.”
I must confess that I've started stealing vegetables from the local grocery...
I can't help it! I get to the store and I have to take a leek!
Why do girl ghosts go on diets? So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
What happened to the cheery that showed up for the tomato auditions? He was called an imposter.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
Why was the skeleton a success at work?
He had a head for business.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
I figured out a way to chop onions without crying...
The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion.
Nine nice night nurses nursing nicely.
What happened when the koala house party got a little too far out of hand? One of the neighbors koalaed the cops.
I went deep sea diving and a mollusk wanted to give me a hug!
Damn cuddlefish.
I lost my daughter’s cosmetics bag...
I wonder how I’ll make up for this mistake.
Asked my boy to put the kettle on.
He said, "I don't think it'll fit me"
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thick, say it quick!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Spread it thicker, say it quicker!
Yellow butter, purple jelly, red jam, black bread.
Don't eat with your mouth full!
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
These book puns have tickled your spine.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
I asked a vampire if I could borrow some money. He told me he needed to go to the blood bank.
What do you say to an astronaut looking for a car park
There's a spaceman.
Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a goat.
How long has this been going on?
Since I was a kid.
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
Getting lucked up on St. Patrick’s Day.
How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
Wife told me that our juicer draws a lot of power.
I explained to her that it takes lot of juice to juice the juicer.
Did you hear about the party at the Chinese zoo?
It was Panda-monium.
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What ingredient is essential when baking a Star Wars cake?
Bicarbonate of Yoda
Last night, I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea.
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
how do you convince meat juice out of a bovine?
You consomme out of him.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
All you need is a little vitamin sea.
Kid: Dad, why don’t you approve of the consumption of dairy products?
Dad: Because I was raised lactose intolerant.
Singular: One mango
Plural: Two menwent
What do you call a famous inmate? A cellebrity.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
What is the chemical formula of the molecules in sweets? Carbon-holmium-cobalt-lanthanum-tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.