What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
I was making a salad the other day, and I thought I heard a small red vegetable that was a bit like an onion whispering. Must have been a hoarse radish.
What is the energy provider’s favorite dance? The electric slide.”
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
How do you save a drowning mouse? Use mouse to mouse resuscitation!
I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.
Why was the Whale bank heist so successful?
Because it was a whale orca-strated plan
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
Where does Batman go to take a dump?
To the batroom of course!
While cooking, I asked my wife if we have any Sage. She said "We have some ground sage"
I asked her "Do we have any sage that's not on the floor?"
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
How do you find a missing train? Follow the tracks
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
Why is the baby strawberry crying?
Because its parents are jamming
I woke up this morning and saw two birds sitting in the sun in my backyard, eating ice cream.
They were Basking Robins.
There was a minimum of cinnamon in the aluminium pan.
How do you fix a broken pizza?
With tomato paste.
I like fried chickpeas, but I shouldn't eat them. Every time I do I falafel.
What is a dung beetle's favorite holiday song?
"All I Want for Christmas is Poo"
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Christmas has me feeling extra Santa-mental.
What is green and brown and crawls through the grass? A Girl Scout who has lost her cookie.
I had a salad pun, but I tossed it
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
Why did Dracula take cold medicine in winter? To stop his coffin.
You’re my heartthrob.
How do pickles celebrate their birthdays? They relish them.
The painter loved to paint because he was drawn to art.
My mother's sister can carry 50 times her own weight
She's my aunt
What did one boat say to the other boat?
Are you interested in a little row-mance?
What do you call Chewbacca with chocolate stuck in its fur?
chocolate chip wookiee.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance style? Hip-Hop!
Ed Belfour's new contract offer isn't high compared to other goal tenders.
I’m in love with France, and I ain’t Lyon.
That’s a bit mulch.
Why should somebody who's just out of rehab think twice before going on a skiing holiday?
Because it's a slippery slope.
Why do snowmen always get injured when playing sports?
Because they refuse to warm up!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
How many astronomers will it take to just change a lightbulb? None, they like the dark.
What’s a salesman’s favorite Scripture passage?
The Great Commission.
I told my wife to embrace her mistakes
So she gave me a hug!!!
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
What kind of flowers bloom on your face? Tulips!