Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
A small step for cyan, a giant leap for bluemanity.
What mouse was a Roman emperor? Julius Cheeser!
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
Why did the croissants take the donuts and bagels to Disneyland?
They thought it would be fun for the hole family.
I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot.
It caused immense pain to ma toes.
Who makes dinosaur clothes? dino-sewer.
My blind friend did LSD for the first time...
There was a lot more tripping than usual.
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes and elephants?
It’s impossible to reduce weight by eating green grass and salads and walking.
When shouldn't you believe a word your cheese is saying? When it's too Gouda to be true.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
Which Nordique great has recurring ligament problems? Peter Spaz-knee!
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
Why was the white wine's off-beat pun so boo-ed?
Because it was too corky.
What happens when you rub two oranges together?
You get Pulp Friction.
The police officer went to the crime scene and he saw that there had been a murder in the dense grasslands. Guess, we could call it a grass-assination.
What did the hot dog bun say to the hot dog? Stop touching my buns! What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A "hollow-weenie!"
What does a deer call her boyfriend?
Cari-boo.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.
Why did the T-Rex only sell hand-guns?
He was a small-arms dealer.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
Once I got peas stuck in my ear. I had to make people re-pea-t themselves.
If a young goat learns a martial art, are they a karate kid?
The lager you wait, the better it tastes.
It’s common for people with heartbreaks to crumble.
I like my breakfast like my tennis grip: Continental.
Easter and April Fools fall on the same day this year...
You could say it only happens once in a blue moon.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
“He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.”
What do you call a cow that plays the violin?
Moozart.
When does a leprechaun cross the road?
Just like everyone - when it's green!
Did you hear about the crime family that took over the wine importing business?
They call themselves the Sip-ranos!
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
What’s a werewolve's favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas!
Got a cow helping me cut the grass. He's a lawn mooer.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
How old was the cave man on his birthday?
Stone Age.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
Six slimy snails sailed silently.
What do you call a dull ghost? Boo-ring!
Its ok to kiss a nun....
But don't get into the habit.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!