What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad? Lettuce alone without dressing.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
I once saw a guy burn to death after nutting
“He cumbusted”
What do you call a kangaroo that’s exhausted from trespassing?
Out of bounds.
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
A witch with chickenpox is called an itchy-witchy.
I punched my monitor and now my hand really hertz.
What do you call a rabbit that has fleas?
Bugs bunny.
Why do horses make good lawyers?
Attention to de-tail.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
What do you call Dragon with no silver?
A dron.
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You think dinosaurs are scary?
Imagine dragons!
Why do you use an old towel to dry your dog?
Because it's a little rough.
Why would an oreo cookie need to visit a dentist? To get a filling replacement.
What do you call two cookies from the same cookie sheet who fall in love? A batch made in heaven.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
My friend showed me how he keeps his expensive butcher knife sharp.
I thought it was pretty cleaver.
What sound do you hear when a Ghost explodes? kaBOOm!
Two astronauts who were dating, met up for a launch date.
He used to be a doctor but he lost his patience.
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
Skiing is believing!
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
Some bunny loves you.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I can't stand people who don't wash their hands.
They make me sick.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What do you call someone from Spain who lives near the Portuguese border?
Span-ish.
Where do cow farts come from?
The dairy air.
Green seemed to disappear from the rainbow it came back in full force, olive and kicking.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
Why did the horse never get cold?
It was a Dutch warmblood.
Why should you make a cherry pie for someone that you miss? Because absence bakes the heart grow fonder.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
Happy Valentine's Day!
I hope your day starts off with a bang!
What do you call pig shampoo?
Hogwash.
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
What did the beaver say to the other beaver? I love you like no otter.
Hundreds of chickpeas were found dead the other day. The police say it's a hummuside.
Sigmund Freud used to always wear a piece of jewelry on his wrist...
It was an id bracelet.
Lost at sea? I'm not shore.
How did they punish the longshoreman whose improper ship mooring caused the destruction of a pier?
They docked his pay.
Are Earth and Moon good friends? Yes, they’ve been going around together for many years now.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.