Can one tropical bird change a lightbulb?
No, but toucan.
"My day just went from super to sip-erb, real quick."
What was the ice cream cone’s naughty pick up line?
Wanna lick me?
What did the farmer say when someone complimented him on his corn harvest?
Aww, shucks!
What did one cheese say to the other during philosophy class?
“I dis a brie.”
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Should you plant flowers in any month besides April?
May as well!
Q: Why does the cherry have a hard time getting along with others?
A: It has crust issues.
All the other vegetables have always felt very emotional whenever they are near the onion.
Mom: Did you watch the movie with the little pumpkins?
Dad: I stopped it early because it was too gourdy for me.
What do you get if your lovers soul was trapped in a sword for all eternity?
A babe-blade.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
Mountains aren't just funny.
They're hill areas.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
Giraffe: The highest form of animal life.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
Hear about the saxophone player who switched from a tenor to a soprano saxophone in the middle of the concert?
The press made quite a big deal out of his sax change.
I love you dairy much.
What did the numerator say to the denominator when they broke up?
I'm so over you!
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
One-one was a race horse. Two-two was one too. One-one won one race. Two-two won one too.
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
As my wife was giving birth, all the doctors and nurses started yelling, “Push! Push!”
I was convinced it was a Pull door.
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
This guy walks into the doctor's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
Why don’t elephants like to ride on trains? Because they hate leaving their trunks in the baggage car.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
Is it ad-out again? I’m going to hit my breaking point.
Where do the best kola nuts come from? Kolafornia.
What do you call an artist without a palette? Someone who makes paintings without taste.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
What happened when one friend forgot to brew her pal a coffee? Their friendship came to a bitter end.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
What’s the difference between spring rolls and summer rolls?
Seasoning.
If I were to wander around in Italy...
Would I be roamin'?
What did the owl say to the judge?
I’m talon you, it wasn’t me.
What do we call a plumb pineapple? It is called a pineapple chunk!
Why does Valentine's Day never work in Africa?
All the lion cheetahs.
What do you call a talking kangaroo?
A quantum leap.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
Why is it a bad idea to pick a fight with a real estate agent?
They can flip houses whenever they want!