Power naps are great. You can really build up charge with them.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What’s a horse’s favorite sport?
Saddleball.
There’s a room with two tables and ten people. One table has soup, and the other table has a punch bowl. All ten people are lined up at the soup table.
Now’s when you ask: where’s the punchline?
Car Salesman: And if you don't like this color, we have another one in "Boulder Gray"
Me: Gray isn't very bold to begin with, how did you make it bolder?
What do you call a musical lime?
John Lemon.
If ten zombies run after you, what time is it?
Ten after one.
Why did the toilet paper role down the hill?
To get to the bottom...
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
What game do some skiers like to play on the road trip to the slopes?
Ice Spy With My Little Ice.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Two metal workers got married....
It was a beautiful welding.
Did you hear about the dangerous alcoholic who consumed his booze from a sizzling Chinese frying pan?
He liked to drink risky on the woks
How does cabernet like to travel abroad?
On a cruise sip.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
Don’t hang around booze hounds. They’re wine-y bitches.
Why do Communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
Why did the egg go to school?
To get egg-ucated.
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.
Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
Which car do sheep drive?
Su-baa-ru.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
What happens when no one comes to your birthday party?
You can have your cake and eat it too.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
I’ve started dating Medusa recently.
Our relationship rocks!
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
What do you call a skeleton who hangs out in coffee shops and listens to indie music?
A hip-ster.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
The farmer had such a bad headache he had to retire. He was sick of his grains.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
My doctor recommended exercise to slim down as well as some orange juice for vitamins
It’s the weight and C approach I guess.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
Life without you would be un-bear-able.
In Australia, they have a scary lemon dessert that keeps coming back.
They call it Boo-Meringue.
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
Which month can’t make a decision?
MAY-be.
But wait—there’s myrrh.
My friend wasn't accepted for a teaching job because he was cross-eyed
They thought he wouldn't be able to control his pupils.
Q. How does a tree get on the computer?
A. It logs on!
What did the duck who learned physics say?
Quark, quark.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
How do you spot a radical baker?
They’re always going against the grain.
What do you call a field full of epileptic lettuce ?
Seizure Salad
Why should you never marry someone that likes collecting weird coins?
They have no common cents.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.