Yule be sorry.
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What do you call an oriental cheese? Parm-asian
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
Police have reported that a baseball themed perfume factory has blown up under mysterious circumstances.
They said it smells like Foul Play.
Why is Mrs Mayo mad at Mr Ketchup?
She caught him watching the salad dressing again.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
Do you want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind it's too cheesy.
I keep scores of my favorite iceboxes.
They're my refrigeRATINGS.
Who does May like the best?
April Showers, because April Showers brings May flowers!
How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?
Act like a nut.
Have you wondered what made the strawberry such a smoothie? It is the yoghurt of course.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
What did one pirate say to the other when he beat him in chess.
Check matey!
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a frog spy?
A croak and dagger agent.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What do you get when you cross a vampire bat and a computer?
Love at first byte.
A tree toad loved a she-toad,
Who lived up in a tree.
He was a three-toed tree toad,
But a two-toed toad was she.
The three-toed tree toad tried to win,
The two-toed she-toad's heart,
For the three-toed tree toad loved the ground,
That the two-toed tree toad trod.
But the three-toed tree toad tried in vain.
He couldn't please her whim.
From her tree toad bower,
With her two-toed power,
The she-toad vetoed him.
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
"Another glass? Wine not?!"
I found a wooden shoe in my toilet today.
It was clogged.
My parents used my Uber to go and file the application ending their marriage.
I gave the driver one star. He drove my parents to divorce.
Irish puns are the most O'ffensive.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
Did you hear about the frozen dessert whose wife had a baby?
Now he’s a popsicle.
What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Some guy wanted to charge me a bunch of money for a second hand bouncy house.
But I wasn't sure if that was something I really wanted to jump into.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Did you hear about the zygote that joined the army?
I heard he was diploid.
Why did the blonde skier only wear one boot?
Channel 7's weatherman said there was a 50% chance of snow.
The government is planning to ban articles about ironing appliances in the newspaper.
The freedom of press is no more.
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
What do you call a lineup of food with lots of garlicky dishes?
Buffet the Vampire Slayer!
Why was the bus musician so excited? He just got a 'ride-ing' ovation!
At what time of day was Adam created?
A little before Eve.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Why didn’t the skeleton feel like patching up his broken ribcage?
His heart wasn’t in it.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What's green and got two wheels?
A motorpickle.
Have you heard about some bones on the moon? Looks like the cow couldn’t make it after all.