When I went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flower, my teacher said I was the perfect roll-model.
Bread is like the sun, it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
What should you wear when you play against the National Volleyball Team? Football helmets.
How would you describe a pun about a pun?
They're pun-ishingly bad!
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
When I drink, I always end up with rosy cheeks,
I wake up in the flower bed at the end of my garden the next day.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
If we played hot potato I’d lose, because I’d never let you go.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Mum said I would never be able to make a bicycle out of spaghetti
Well I did, and you should’ve seen her face when I rode pasta
Some peas rolled off my plate, and one went far further than the rest. He was the cham-pea-on.
Why does the river have problems remembering things?
Because she is becoming sea nile.
What do you call a pig squished by sand? A ham sandwich.
Wine Connoisser Point to Ponder: Did Marilyn drink Merlot?
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green
Why did the Easter Egg hide?
Because he was a little chicken.
"Say you'll be wine."
What did the motivational speaker say?
Don’t take life for granite.
I'm so Midwestern, it's in my blood
I'm type Ohp!-ositive
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
What do you call a hot dog with nothing inside it? A “hollow-weenie!”
What did the cheese say to the other cheese? I smell something swiss-picious!
What do you get when you run behind a car?
Exhausted!
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
How many saws could a see-saw saw if a see-saw could saw saws?
What did the real estate agent do when her buyer was on a budget?
She asked the listing agent what would be the condominimum offer the owner would take.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
A chemical in science class can make your hands go numb
But math will make you number.
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
What does a cow say to milk? I am your mother.
Reindeer don't go to school—they're elf taught.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
The ghost scared all the boys who ventured into the haunted house and then varnished into the almirah!
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
My friend, who's a geneticist and a rapper crossed a gorilla with an orang utan
That's his new mixed ape.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
If your dog was a neurologist, what would it do all day?
Perform PET scans.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
I wonder...
How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Do you know what a beavers' favorite snack is? Wood chips.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.