Why shouldn’t you lend a geologist money?
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
Did you hear the one about the statistician.
Probably.
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
What kind of cheese do rodents like? Mousearella.
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
What do you call someone who lost her Marital arts tournament?
Divorced.
What do you call a basin full of denim?
A gene pool!
Two blood cells can meet and fall in love with each other, but it is all in vein.
What did the cook say after making stir fry at a playground?
"It was a wok in the park."
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite game, it's peach ball.
Got out of the shower, went downstairs and opened the door in my towel.
I know it’s a funny place to have a door, but there you have it.
"Some people have no guts."
My skeleton girlfriend dumped me the other day. She had the hottest spine I have ever seen.
I just want her back.
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
Did you hear the gardener's joke about the old oak tree?
It's acorny one!
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
We have great chemis-tree.
What do you call an alligator showing off his spine flexibility on the internet?
E-Reptile Disc Function
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
The fiance and I were looking at frames for our wedding photos. My wife couldn't take her eyes off the smaller one, but I wanted the larger one. So I told her,
"Honey, you need to look at the bigger picture."
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.
That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
What do you call a communist vegetable
a soviet onion.
I was washing the dishes today and got so frustrated I screamed into a collander.
I think I strained my voice.
Where do squirrels go for fun?
The acorn-ival.
What do you do when you're in a knife fight with a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
What's red and invisible? No tomatoes.
Baking on Easter Sunday
Crust is risen! Hallelujah!
What do Snowmen call their offspring?
Chill-dren.
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
The doctor told me I shouldn’t eat alphabet soup.
I suffer from irritable vowel syndrome.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
My Gourd, Autumn is so fall of herself!
Birdie birdie in the sky laid a turdie in my eye.
If cows could fly I'd have a cow pie in my eye.
Did you hear about the witch who got plastic surgery?
She looked really good afterworts.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why didn't the unripe strawberry got any cards and chocolates for Valentine's Day? Because it was really sour.
Potato puns are a-peeling.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
My dad used to be an airline pilot, but he decided to retire because it got too Boe-ing.
What do you call a kangaroo sanctuary?
A kazoo.