What language do they speak in Italy
Times New Roman.
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
Two bananas married without realising they were from the same tree.
They really split over it. It was a really slippery ordeal and peeled them apart.
I saw a sign earlier that said, "Free Range Eggs."
I've never heard of Range Eggs before but at least they were free so I took some.
Stop looking for the perfect match..
Use a lighter!
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite cheese?
Muenster.
A magic tractor drove down the road and turned into a field!
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti...
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta.
What did the cow say to his friend when they met twice in the same day? “What a cow-incidence!”
Where should you call if you find a bad cheese shop?
The feta business bureau.
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?
They’re pair-a-medics.
Why did the cantaloupe jump into the pool?
“It wanted to be a watermelon.”
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
Why couldn't the leopard play hide and seek?
Because he was always spotted.
After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
I always have a souper time with you.
What did the pinecone say to the pineapple? Nice to meet juice.
What do you get when you cross a smurf and a cow?
Blue cheese.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
A son asked his dad: "Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
The dad responded with: "Yes, we arson."
Onions are unable to store water inside them because there is always a leek.
I have pea soup for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That’s why I pea soup all night!
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
All the turtles wore turtle necks to the party.
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
If you live in a purple-colored house and suddenly all the power goes off, then you should probably check the fuchsia box.
Q: What’s a nectarine?
A: A peach with balding problems.
What kind of cheese do rodents like?
Mousearella.
Why are fish so smart?
They spend a lot of time in schools.
What do you call a distilled botanical that likes to play the guitar??
Ginny Hendrix
What do you say when you meet a two-headed dinosaur? Hello, hello!
Party Host: Would you like to try some mulled wine?
Party Guest: I'll have to think it over...
What kind of cheese to beavers eat?
Edam.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
Real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels, real weird rear wheels.
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What do you call a dinosaur that's a loud sleeper? A Snore-a-sorus
What’s a werewolf’s favorite nighttime story?
A hairy tail!
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
I had a dream that I was a mechanic who fixed wrecked cars.
It was an auto body experience.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
Two flies were sitting on a urinal. Everything was going well between them, until one got pissed.
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.