Sometimes a pea starts acting like a diva. We call them a pea-Madonna.
I recently read a book by an onion which had opened up on its life. Midway through the book, I started crying.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison!
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
Scarecrows always garden their patch.
Do you know the hardest part about making skimmed milk? Having to throw the cows across the lake.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
What is a cheese lover’s favorite track and field event?
The curdles.
I said to her, are going to eat that whole plate of spaghetti??
She said: no, it's in pasta bowl
What did the realtor reply when I asked if he liked reading real estate magazines?
"Yes, I love reading them but only periodically".
My son asked today “ Dad, are people in Spain cannibals?”
I answered “Why would you think that?”
He said “Well, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there.”
I was only taught 22 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y TBH.
Why did the ghost go to the bar? To get some boos.
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
What will you get if you cross a tiger and a watchdog? A terrified watchman.
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
Why will you not want to give a bath to the Saturn? It would then leave a ring around the tub.
What happened to the criminal magician who ate to much salt?
Cardiac arrest.
What do doctors use to diagnose chickens?
Eggsray.
How does white chocolate turn into dark chocolate?
Turn off the lights.
I threw a fuzzy peach at my doctor's head and he said "that's not assault that's a sugar."
If you suck playing the trumpet, that's probably why.
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
Why is the pickle container always open?
Because it's ajar.
What type of pool do mechanics like best?
The car pool!
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Have you heard the one about the spaceship that came to Earth?
Never mind its over your head.
Despite the pun being so orange-inal, it wasn’t all that funny.
What does a birthday cake and a baseball team have in common?
They both need good batters.
How can astronauts get more protein in their diet? They make it meteor.
How much does a flower love their friends?
Bunches.
Why do referees always hurry to catch their next flight? Because it's "two
minutes 'fore boarding!"
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What did dinosaurs have that no others animals ever had? Baby dinosaurs!
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
My wife will never forget falling asleep in the sun with her breast exposed.
It’s forever burned in her mammary.
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he likes cool music...
Just a buffalo laying down, bisoness as usual.
Black background, brown background, black background, brown background, black background, brown background.
What is the most desirable kitchen appliance?
A hot plate.
What do you call a buffet for sheep?
All you can bleat!
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
Which is the fanciest onion? A cocktail onion.
Away from their official duties, soccer players love dancing at a soccer ball.
Why are obtuse angles so depressed?
Because they’re never right.
Who’s the patron saint of poverty?
St. Nickeless.