What is most gorillas' favorite book to study in English class at high school?
The Apes Of Wrath.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
So my brother is grating cheese for a dip. He looks up and says,
"I'm the gratest."
I think it’s funny when I ask girls whether they would spit or swallow my seed if I was a watermelon. Unfortunately, almost all of them reply not in a hundred melon years.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Oysters don’t share their pearls because they’re shellfish!
What do you call a dinosaur that drinks curry? A Mega-sore-arse.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Where do flowers recharge? At a power plant!
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
How do you do math in your head?
Just use imaginary numbers.
You can't ever get the attention of a vampire on Halloween. They're way too busy looking for their necks victim.
What do fruits look for at a talent show? A berry that can really cherry a tune.
I broke my spine in an accident last year. Had a life saving operation to fix my neck which permanently locked my head in place.
Since then I've never looked back.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Why is wind power popular? Because it has a lot of fans!”
What’s fat, hairy and drinks a lot of coffee?
Java the Hut!
What do ghosts drink on St Patricks Day?
BOOs.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
What do you call a male witch?
Mitch
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
What do skeletons say when they set off to sea?
- Bone voyage!
What do you call a pig thats wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
Remember the one about people queuing up for drinks at Old Faithful's birthday party?
You're not missing much; the punch line blows.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
I love you and I ain’t lion.
I tried to help my wife with laundry by putting her underwear away.
But she got her panties in a bunch over it.
What did the cake say to start the fight with the fork?
You want a piece of me?
I have no problem getting dates online. I’ve also had luck with almonds, cashews, and walnuts.
This may be corny, but you are a-maize-ing.
What’s a monsters favorite desert? I-Scream!
I made Chinese for Easter dinner
If I had made Japanese it would have been Eastest Dinner.
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
Why is the taste of moon rock better than that of Earth rock? Because it’s a little meteor.
What is American football called in other countries?
30.48 cm ball.
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Mole-onucleosis
What did the ghost teacher say to her class? - Look at the board and I’ll go through it, again.
What's the difference between a stepping stool and a miniature 3D printer?
The former is a little ladder and the latter is a little former.
He came, he thawed, he conquered.
I’m feelin’ pine.
So I was in the library when this cute girl came up and asked to borrow my external hard drive
It was at this point I realized she wanted the (D:)
My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.
I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.
Where do vegetables keep their money?
In the credit onion.
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Why was Frankenstein’s monster always being arrested?
He was so easy to charge.