Most of the fruits usually drink their juice with a straw-berry.
Why shouldn't you let a geologist drive your car?
Because they get hammered and stoned.
Why did the ice cream truck break down?
There was a rocky road.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
Where can you find the best nuts in London? Nut-tinghill.
I studied archeology
Now my life is in ruins.
Mommy, Mommy, what’s a werewolf?
Don’t worry about that honey and comb your face!
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
I whisper my sins to crows
So my parents can't hear me confess to a murder
I know someone who tried to run away after camouflaging a railway. He tried to cover his tracks.
What runs around a garden but never moves? A fence.
My sister bet me that I couldn’t make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face as I drove Pasta
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
What did the father ant said to his son when they moved to France from America?
Son, we are now Europeants!
After trying out floss for the first time, I couldn't believe how nice it felt.
It truly was a breath of fresh air.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
If you don't focus on learning your lines for the production, I shutter to imagine what the reviewers will snap about.
Why are spiders such great volleyball players? Because they have an amazing topspin.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
If, instead of talking to your plants, you yelled at them, would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
Q. What do you get when a swine artist mixes two colors together?
A. Pigment.
Which technique does a Gorilla borrow from another animal when it gets romantic? The bear hug!
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
If you notice this notice,
you will notice that this notice is not worth noticing.
[Water Slide] I was going to get some work done, but I decided to let it slide.
Panda ghosts love to eat bam-boo.
What type of noodles do swimmers like best?
Pool noodles!
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
"Hi, I'm Buzz Aldrin. Second person to step on the moon.
Neil before me."
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What did one sushi roll say to the other sushi roll?
I’m soy into you.
How is a dog and a marine biologist alike? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. Because he has so many black belts.
The only way athletes can stay cool even in a charged game is by standing near the fans.
I always get pickle and chutney mixed up.
It makes me chuckle.
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?
He just couldn't get a handle on it.
What do you get when you spill soup on a comic book? Souperman.
If you don’t properly seal the lids on your spice rack...
You’re going to have a bad Thyme.
What do you call the last skeleton on earth?
The end-o skeleton.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
- You’re dead to me.