Having a ball
A router and a modem got married.
They were pronounced husbandwidth and Wifi.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
Where does Sasquatch store his stuff while he's out on a hike?
In a big footlocker.
What is a strawberry that likes to spin called? A berry-go-round.
This foundation is rock salad.
A chemistry lab is like a big party.
Some drop the acid while others drop the base.
If a purple-colored fruit gets stuck in your drain, then you should call a plum-ber to fix it.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre?
A: They apparently went to see "Closed For The Winter"
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard.
But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.
The United Nations gave its members a basket of peaches on 21 September - the International Peach Day.
What kind of evidence can a donut not take to trial?
Anecdoughtal evidence.
Where are koalas taken when they die? To an ancient bearial site.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? "I like your style."
I keep asking my physics teacher "what is the unit for power?"
But he just saying "Yes."
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
I recently ran a charity marathon to promote greener earth, but the run left me a little jaded.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
Can’t wait for the first married woman to walk on the red planet.
Just so I can ask if there’s wife on Mars.
What do you call a sweet onion? Caramelized!
What kind of music would planets prefer to hear? NepTUNEs.
What did the blind man say after being handed a cheese grater? "That's the most violent book I've ever read."
Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? It said concentrate.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
What do you call a boy and girl playing blues music? The battle of the saxes.
What do you call a glass of pig’s blood?
Swine.
What bug has 100 legs and lives by the outhouse?
Scenta-Peed.
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
What did the bowling pins do?
They went on strike.
What kind of tea do wealthy people own?
Proper-Tea.
I wish that I could be the coronary artery of my wife so that I would be wrapped around her heart.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.
It’s too bad the man couldn’t quit his job at the bakery. He really kneaded the dough.
What do get when you cross a chili pepper, steam shovel, and a Chihuahua? Hot, diggety dog.
Q: Why do peas dislike noisy eaters?
A: Because they want peas and quiet.
I didn't know if I could crawl through heating vents to escape from prison...
After I duct, I found I conduit!
My wife asked me to help her apply mascara...
It was an eye-opening experience.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
I'm studying the meaning of couches in different parts of the world.
It's really PhillySOFAcal.
When it started raining, I spotted a potato across the road pretty fast and I wondered what’s up? It wasn’t long before I saw a fork up ahead.
If Kim Jong-un had a private yacht, it would be a dictator ship