If there was a material made of milk which could store electricity...
...it would be called buttery.
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
My physics teacher told me i had so much potential, so much energy.
Then I fell down the stairs and lost it all.
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.
What happens when someone throws a rock at you? Rock bottom hits you.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
What do you call a kung-fu match between a married couple?
Marital Arts!
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
What do you call a little tune about atmospheric moisture?
A humi-ditty.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
Why do they put lotion in tissues?
To soften the blow.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What kind of ice cream to electricians eat?
Shock a lot.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
I was on a flight and I asked for a glass of water. The cabin crew asked “still?” I said “well, I haven’t changed my mind”.
Pack your trunks – we’re having a pool party!
My real estate agent lied. He said my house had a 1,000 carpet area, but I could barely fit in 4 cars and 4 dogs in there...
"Did you hear how the baker proposed to his girlfriend?"
"Yeah, he told her he loafed her more than life itself"
"No, he actually told her how much he kneaded her"
Did you hear about the train that dressed up for Halloween?
It became a fright train.
After completing the deadline just in the nick of time, the artist breathed a cyan of relief.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
How do the New England Patriots eat their soup? In a Super Bowl.
What's the ghoul's favorite sauce?
Grave-y.
Did you hear about the butcher who sat on his bacon slicer?
He got a little behind in his deliveries.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Which city do hamsters live in?
Hamsterdam.
What song do young peaches love listening to? 'Papa don't peach'.
Treat yo'elf.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
The boy leaf confessed to the girl leaf that he was fall-ing in love with her.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
What is the fear of giants called?
Fee-fi-phobia
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Preparing.”
I just hear that the woman who lives next door and loves fruit died. I hope she would rest in peach.
Police were called to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
What sound does it make when an ogre eats a witch for breakfast?
Snap cackle n' pop
What kind of potatoes are in the best shape? Hash browns; they’re totally shredded!
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
Why do skeletons get sick on windy days?
It goes right through them.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.