Sorry kids - we won't be carving pumpkins this year... Sorry to squash your enthusiasm.
What happens to Germans when they eat too many lemons?
They become sour krauts.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
What do the guys at the ski repair shop eat their lunch on?
Baseplates.
Why do bananas wear suntan lotion? Because they peel!
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I was souper excited to hear some soup puns for the comic chef - but his performance did not excite miso much.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
My eating utensils were forged from forged steel, so don't mess with me or I'll fork you up.
I was at a party last night, waiting my turn to get to the punch bowl.
Everyone was being very polite, patient and not barging in. I thought to myself, "At last...
a decent punchline"
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
“Look out for Santa Paws!”
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Which Old Testament prophet took forever to make a point?
“I say… uhhh…” (say it out loud)
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.
I’m in love with France, and I ain’t Lyon.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soot's him Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past? Because the present's beneath them.
Why did the mummy get a divorce?
His wife was a ghoul-digger who was just after his mummy.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
What do you call a hat for the brain?
A thinking cap.
Mobile phones have been around longer than people think.
I was watching this film the other day and heard Sir Lancelot ask someone to fetch his charger.
Did you see the display of still-life art? It was not at all moving.
Q. What do they call the gorilla marathon runner who only wins when it's pouring outdoors?
A. The raining chimp-ion.
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
What do you do if you get attacked by a killer clowns?
Go for the jugular.
What do you get when you cross a pickle with an alligator?
A crocodill.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
Why do Earth Science professors like to teach about ammonia?
Because it's basic material.
Near an ear, a nearer ear, a nearly eerie ear.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What do two cherries say when they get married? I promise to cherry-ish you forever.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
This foundation is rock salad.
What does the mouse say to its mate? "Were like crackers and cheese"
When you offered me love, I lepton it!
Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog.
But it’s actually a common mist-conception.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
What does the iron-deficient giant say?
- Fi fo fum.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
Do you believe this? All soccer players, irrespective of their country of origin, have one goal.
What is soap's favorite brand of beer?
Sud-light
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C: