Everyone wondered why Cinderella was such a bad player. If only they knew, her coach was a pumpkin.
Bee warned.
Bee puns really sting.
Her: "Buffalo meat is delicious. What are they made of? Beef?"
Me: "No... They're made of buff."
My boss accused me of "acting the monkey" at work.
I almost choked on my banana.
What do you call a silly werewolf in Australia ?
A dingo-ling
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
The hotdog severely fell behind in school which is why he has to ketchup.
My wife asked, “If someone’s body just isn’t fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?”
I told her I think it’s worth a shot.
What did the Japanese skeleton put in his sushi?
Bone-ito flakes.
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks.
I sulfur when you argon.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
Don’t make such a Dreyfus about it.
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
Why was there only one Avogadro?
When they made him, they broke the moled.
I downloaded a colander app instead of a calendar and now my battery keeps draining.
All potato puns are pomme de terrible.
Oh no! My wine glass is empty. Somebody call Wine-One-One!
Why did the banana go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
In the last peach race, I put $30 peach way on two new racers.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
4 Norse gods, 1 roman God, and 2 astrological bodies walk into a bar
The bartender says: Oh, this is gonna be a week joke
A Ghost walks into a bar. No ones notices.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
How does a kangaroo pick his favorite baseball team?
He jumps on the bandwagon.
What is the best period of a bee's relationship?
The honeymoon.
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
I’m positive I just lost an electron.
Better keep an ion that.
According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
Did you hear the Islamic music group who covered "I've Got You Babe?"
Sunni and Shia.
Why did the vampire need mouthwash? Because he had bat breath.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
I dare you to lie that you didn’t find all these space puns hilarious. Th
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
What do you call two pears?
A pair.
A truck full of christmas trees have been stolen.
Police admit they are stumped.
Koi fish always travel in a groups of four
Because the predator will go after the D koi
What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?
Count Draculas.
“Have your elf a merry little Christmas.”
The cat’s out of the bag – I love you purry much.
Why did the one legged clown leave the cheese circus? Because he couldn't get his stilton.
Which cranial nerve would be right at home in a well-known city in Nevada?
The vagus nerve.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.