Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
"I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny."
Case in punt
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What do you call a person who spends a lot of time sitting and staring at potatoes? A medi-tator.
What does a pirate pay for his corn?
A buccaneer!
What kind of socks does a gardener wear?
Garden hose!
Bake big batches of bitter brown bread
At the end of the year, there is always a rock n’ bowl concert where everyone gets entertained.
Why didnt the moon go outside?
Because it was waning.
What did the vegetable say at the party?
Lettuce turnip the beet!
I was only taught 22 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know Y TBH.
I love making new friends.
That’s why I studied under Dr. Frankenstein.
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
How is Big Foot so good at rock climbing?
He always finds the biggest footholds.
I was very surprised to hear those insane rapping skills from my green onions. It had lived up to its name of rapscallion.
What’s black and white, has eight wheels and travels very fast?
A panda on roller skates.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What's the name of a nurse who inserts plastic tubes into people?
Catherine.
I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...
I wonder if he was kilt.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
You’re the cutest clover in the patch.
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night
But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.
“Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.”
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
This special peach school is for those Peach kids who are suffering from peach and hearing impairment.
I like dillos, but do not support giving them guns.
I would never armadillo.
How did the police find all the missing wood from the lumber yard?
It was chipped.
Do truckers prefer houses with long-haul ways?
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
My mum made a chocolate bar out of peas. I asked if she could snap a peas off for me.
I saw a beaver and I thought it was odd. Then I saw another semiaquatic creature and I thought it was otter.
Don’t come to France without any Monet.
A major produce organization is reeling after multiple reports of tainted lettuce.
We may soon witness the falling of the Romaine Empire.
A friend got to the final of the local model railway competition. He lost on points.
Why do volleyball players love to swim? They like diving in the deep and then floating in the shallow.
I want to tell you an excellent ice pun, but the problem is that it’s just slipped my mind.
It's getting hard to zinc of new science puns because so many of them argon.
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
I'm optimistically single.
My bed is half full.
There’s a big thunderstorm. The road is blocked by a big mudslide. A little boy asks his dad, “Why does earth fall down like that?”
His dad answers, “It’s terrain.”
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
You are like my asthma.
You just take my breath away.