Oranges rarely pass driving tests, this is because they keep on peeling out.
Where do hippos go to university? Hippocampus.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
Rory the warrior and Roger the worrier were reared wrongly in a rural brewery.
Have you ever seen the episode of VeggieTales directed by Tarantino?
It’s called Mango Unchained.
"You're totally scrambling my brain."
A woman gets into an accident while driving. She tries to explain to the officer that it wasn’t her fault. She says the other guy was drinking and on his phone! The officer looks at the lady and says, "Mam, he could do that in his own backyard.”
How does a bomb choose not to go off?
It refuses.
What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?
Art thou feeling it now Mr. Krabs?
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables,
but I'm sure you've herbivore.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
Why did you guys not laugh at my space puns? Because there way to Sirius.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
How can you tell if there is a dinosaur in bed with you? By the `D' on his pajamas.
Why did the duck detective get the key to the city?
Because he quacked the case.
Why did Santa send his daughter to college? To keep her off the North Pole.
Why did the blonde volleyball player end up getting fired from her waitressing job? Someone said she needed to serve the food.
What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles.
How many insects do you need to make money from your rental property?
Ten-ants.
What did the big stag deer say to the hunter?
“Buck off, man!”
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What does a beaver from Philly drink?
Wooder.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
What bone does a dog not eat?
A trombone.
My wife threw a saucer at me because I hadn't completed the science project of our kid until then. Interestingly, he won first prize at school for presenting...
a Flying Saucer.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A hot dog and a six pack of beer.
What did the mother airplane say to the child airplane when the child was acting rude?
"I've had it with your altitude"
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
Why didn’t the skeleton laugh at the joke?
Because he didn’t have a funny bone.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
"You are so bottlefull to me."
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Sasquatch often gets mistaken for Bigfoot.
Yeti never complains.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
I saved the exact location of my toilet on my computer.
It's labelled as my 'I Pee' address.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
At what point will you love to change your bulbs the most?
When sparks fly.
Where do point guards take their dates to party after the game?
To a basket ball.
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend but he kept asking her for another shot.
What do you call a goblin brigand?
A robgoblin.
What makes it okay for bats to just poop wherever they want?
For a bat, every room is the batroom.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What does a cheese say when you ask him to share a secret?
He cantal.