The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick....
She still isn't talking to me.
Why don't aliens get hungry after being blasted into space?
Because they've just had a big launch.
What type of dog does Dracula have?
A bloodhound.
I am a huge fan of local cuisine, and cooking is my soup-er power!
What do cats build to prepare for war? Cat-apults.
I used to make extra money by selling illegal tennis equipment on the side, but I was approached by some thugs who told me to stop.
I guess they control the Tennis Racket around here.
I buy all my guns from a guy named T-Rex...
He's a small arms dealer.
What did the penguin say after he went shopping?
Put it on my bill.
What do you call a group of crows flying over a couple?
A murder over love.
How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman?
By his net income.
What currency do astronauts use in space?
Starbucks.
Have you ever heard of the book "They Yellow River"?
It was written by I.P. Daily.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
How do you know flowers are friendly?
They always have new buds!
What vegetable did King Arthur pull from the stone?
Exparagus.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
What happened to the pirate who lost his peg leg?
He couldn't find it, so he was stumped.
What type of a computer does a horse like to eat? A Macintosh
I'd want to know why the winters are so cold in America. I think Alaska local.
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
What did the first thunderstorm of the year say?
Hail to the spring!
Picky people pick Peter Pan Peanut-Butter, 'tis the peanut-butter picky people pick.
Which type of wine only comes in a box?
Carbordeaux.
What do you say to comfort a grammar teacher?
They’re, there, their.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
The two loaves of bread could not wait to stare through the delivery room window. They wanted to see their new bun-dle of joy.
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
Becoming a space pilot is not easy. It requires a good altitude.
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
For my girlfriend's birthday I got her a dwarfish clown who told jokes...
It wasn't a great gift, but she appreciated the jester.
What does a loaf of bread say when breaking up with his girlfriend?
You deserve butter.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
French guy goes into a bar with a frog on his head
The bartender asks “where’d you get that?” And the frog says “in France. There’s loads of them.”
When should astronauts retire?
When they start spacing out.
My wife says she wants to order a glass of wine during our Valentine’s Day dinner.
She says she loves being carded.
I replaced the milk in the carton with lemon juice. Everyone was really sour about it.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
Scientists have discovered what is believed to be the world's largest bed sheet.
More on this story, as it unfolds.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
All clover the world.