The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy
So it’s italicized!
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
... Russian.
Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
Q: What happens when two oranges collide?
A: They get en-tang-led!
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What do you do if you get attacked by a killer clowns?
Go for the jugular.
I tried to open a bag of Lays but it exploded all over me.
I've had a chip on my shoulder ever since.
Rivers are...
the original streaming service.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
My favourite jokes are skeleton puns
Why? I find them humorous.
How many grammar cops does it take to change a light bulb?
Too.
I was driving through the safari park when my sat nav said “bear left”. It was clearly a zebra.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
This Valentine's day, I decided to pay extra and buy flowers that look after themselves.
They are Self Raising.
Where did the spinach go to have a few drinks? The Salad Bar!
What do you call a vegetable planted at a whore house?
A brothel sprout.
Peas excuse how bad this pun is.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What do you call a real estate agent who secretly moonlights as a detective?
Sherlock Homes.
What do you do when you miss the ferry?
Call a canoe-ber.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
When she asked me if I like soup, I replied saying "I am crazy pho soups".
A lot of William Shakespeare’s plays were based off of old Greek and Roman performances
That's playgarism if you ask me.
Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing? Just for the halibut!
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Where does a ghost go on vacation? Mali-boo.
Today I Learned I should NOT have my password be the name of my cat.
I then turned to my cat and said, "Well, wJ:cg/v&A;6BTt, I guess it's back to the drawing board."
How does Frankenstein eat his dinner?
He bolts it down.
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?
It was in disguise.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
What do you call a strong pumpkin?
A Jacked-o-Lantern.
I yam what I yam.
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
Cows that travel alone?
Never herd of them!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
What do you call Vietnamese animal doctors?
Vietnam Vets.
Where do bananas go to learn to be sweet?
Sundae School.
When life gives you mold - make penicillin.
Apple and orange were the only two left that evening. Everyone else had dates.
Cassini spacecraft took pictures of both Saturn and Earth. It was literally the best of both worlds.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.