A drummer got a tattoo of a drum kit on himself
It was very cymbalic.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
I can eat sugar with either hand, I'm ambidextrose.
Why do microwaves always mess up wifi...
...when every one I've tried creates hotspots?
How did the cutlery greet the steak?
Knife to meat you!
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
Why didn't the sentence have a period?
Because it was pregnant.
The scientist time travels between summer and winter using his autumn-mobile!
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
What’s a nut’s favorite Shakespeare line?
“To be or nut to be.”
Strawberries love delicious food. Their favorite is Jam-balaya.
Mr. Pea never did any work and yet always looked down on the other vegetables. He was a real peas of work.
Why didn’t the two algae ever have se*?
Because they had a planktonic relationship
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
A few punny Wifi names you can use:
Wi-Fight the Inevitable
Chance the Router
The LAN Before Time
Silence of the LAN
I Believe Wi Can Fi
The Password is...
Click Here to Download
Get off my LAN
Router? I Hardly Knew Her
Definitely Not Wifi
Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
What do you call a potato that has turned to the dark side? Vader tots!
"You can't sip with us."
“I only like lemons,”
Said Michael zestfully.
Why did the strawberry get bruised? Because it was under pear pressure.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
Cow's that eat strawberries give strawberry milk.
Thank brew very much.
I went to see a beet poet the other day. There were lots of hip peas there.
What do you call a monkey who can’t keep a secret?
A blab-boon.
I think therefore I yam.
What might folks in Tokyo find between Godzilla's toes?
Slow runners.
Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?
He couldn't spit hot fire yet.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
See snow evil, hear snow evil.
Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?
Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
What do you call someone who chokes on their tea?
A cough-y drinker.
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
I want to create a convention for Irish folks who suffer with leprosy.
I'll call it Leper-Con.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What do you call someone who lost her Marital arts tournament?
Divorced.
Why did the vegan get fired ?
His job performance did not meat expectations.
Why does bread looks so bad in photographs?
It’s just too grainy.
Did you hear about the farmer who sold his sheep to slaughter because he wasn't making enough money from the wool? The situation went from baa-d to wurst!
The nut gave her boyfriend the kola shoulder for missing their date.
Q: Why does a hurricane wear a monocle?
A: It has only had one eye!