How do you know if there is a Brachiosaurus in bed with you? By the dinosnores.
What kind of melody does a ship makes when if it crashes on shore?
A wreck-quiem.
What do you call juice with no ice in it?
Ju.
Near the town of Hannah Montana people found a dinosaur skeleton.
Scientists identified it as a Mileysaurus.
I used to be indecisive; now I'm not so sure
Don't be too harsh on the bread. All it kneads is love.
Why did the cosmonaut take his dog to the vet?
He came down with a stellar case of lunar tics.
A farmer complained that he didn't have enough fruit to make a living.
I told him he needs to grow a pear.
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
What is red and goes putt, putt, putt? An outboard apple.
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
We like rough sets. As long as you practice safe sets, there isn’t a problem.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
With a calendar, your days are numbered.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
An ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants.
‘’Euripides’’ says the tailor. ‘’Yeah, Eumenides?’’ replies the man.
The most useless room in a ghost's home in the living room.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
Soft fruit is not always the best at doing research. They aren’t very thorough; they tend to cherry pick information.
What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one, then!
What did the giant octopus say to the pirate ship?
- What’s Kraken?
What's one of the worst things you could come across while surfing the web?
Your keyboard.
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?
Gobble the ghoul.
When I was a student, I was worried that my housemates would be annoyed if I ran off with some of their kitchen utemsils. But that was a whisk I was willing to take.
How did the serve know when the bad serve was not with the hand? The server knew it was the foot fault.
"Laughing 'til I'm coffin."
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
A cheese factory exploded in France...
da brie is everywhere.
I love all my computer brands and sometimes give ’em smooches.
But I never kiss Intel.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims.
He's a mad keeler.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
What do you call a cold little taco?
A brrr-ito.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
My roommate keeps taking my water bottle out of the refrigerator.
It's not cool man.
What's Irish and stays out all night?
Paddy O'Furniture.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
What do dogs and commas have in common? Dogs have claws at the end of their paws and commas are a pause at the end of a clause.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist. While you were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it.
The Opportunist.
Why do Italians love cooking?
It’s their national pasta-time
What did the pumpkin say to the jar? Soon I will be ajar too.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
All the contestants at the pig Olympics were very happy with their prizes. They each won pork medallions.
Do you know the easiest way to stop squirrels from playing soccer in your garden is to hide the ball? Well, it drives them nuts.
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
I got an e-mail saying “At Google Earth, we can even read maps backwards”, and I thought...
“That’s just spam.”
What has 100 teeth and eats wieners? A zipper!
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.