Why shouldn’t you grab a werewolf by its tail?
It might be the werewolf’s tail but it could be the end of you!
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
Mom: Why did you shave the peaches!
Dad: The recipe asked for nectarines.
What milk comes from Spain?
Soy Milk.
What did the witch get her cat for entertainment?
A cat-alog.
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
Why are sponges such good listeners?
Because they soak up everything.
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
Do scientists who study the sun have a flare for research?
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
Why are winter days great?
They’re snow much fun!
The cat’s out of the bag – I love you purry much.
What are the longest lasting relationships in the fruit world? Orange-d marriages.
Went to a German restaurant. The beer was fine,
But their sausage was the wurst!
She was wheeled to the operating room, but then she underwent a change of heart.
Two days ago, I named my Wifi to "Hack it if you can".
Yesterday it was changed to "Challenge accepted".
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
It feels great to hit the ball again. It spin a long time.
Your name must be Autumn because I am falling for you.
What do you get when you kiss a diseased bird?
Cherpies, but don't worry.
It's tweetable.
What is the invisible man's favorite shampoo?
Clear.
Stores are running out of toilet paper again.
They’re wiped out.
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
Why was the wheelchair basketball team banned from the Paralympics?
They all tested positive for WD-40.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
What TV shows are squeaky clean?
Soap Operas
The school teacher tells you to spit out your gum, while the locomotive says “Choo Choo Choo!”
The bag of flour was so confused.He thought that he saw his friend the loaf yeast-erday.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
What did the deer say to his funny friend? You’re deer-larious!
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
In a romantic date, Romeo says to Juliette “Baby! You are the pineapple of my eyes!”
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
It is only late August, yet the leaves are already turning brown. Autumn came early this year. Orange you glad?
For the record, you’re not old, you’re a classic.
If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call the FINE print!
What would Santa’s name be if he wore orange instead of red?
Fanta Claus.
I asked a panda if he was my friend.
He said, “Just bearly”.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since.
What did the Wicked Witch of the West say when she extracted metal from ore?
I’m smelting!
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his dessert?
Cause he was stuffed.
Q: Why did peas jump out of an airplane?
A: They wanted to be air pods.