Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
One-one was a race horse. Two-two was one too. One-one won one race. Two-two won one too.
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
If you photograph your pimples, is zit art?
I think you're mer-mazing.
A cross-eyed teacher can't control his pupils.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
The Leaning Tower of Pisa is in Italy
So it’s italicized!
My physics teacher asked, “So why is v-naught 0?”
I replied, “y-naught?”
A man started wearing a blanket to the office.
His colleagues began to suspect he was working undercover...
What do mummies like listening to on Halloween? Wrap music!
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
A peach biologist was looking for a peach-tree-dish for his upcoming experiment.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What trees do ghouls like best?
Ceme-trees!
What did the nerdy duckling say ?
Quark Quark.
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!
My son's asked for a strange Christmas present this year. It's really cheap though so I don't mind.
I'm not sure why he wants an eggs box though.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
What’s the best thing to put in a donut?
Your teeth.
Why did the painter take a dump on the floor?
It was the work of fart.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
What makes nuts healthy? They have many nut-rients.
So my blood test came back positive.
Turns out I’m full of the stuff.
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
Aunt: Aw, look at you. You've got your father's eyes
Dad: Son, where's my glass eye?
What do you call 2 Mexicans playing tennis?
Juan on Juan!
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
Where did Vegans come from?
Hummus Sapiens
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Cows that travel alone?
Never herd of them!
What’s the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush?
One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!
What do you call a ghost who haunts fireplaces? A toastie ghostie.
They're not going to grow bananas any longer.
Apparently, they're long enough already.
What’s a missionary’s favorite type of car?
A convertible.
"You make me egg-static."
Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.
What is a Ghost’s favourite toy to play with? Leg-oooooooooooooooo!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
I'd steer clear of dating a dyslexic bus driver.
Sure, they may take you places, but there'll be mixed signals along the way.
What do peach soldiers say to each other before they are sent into combat? – “Good luck and make sure you come back in one peach!”
Why did the ghoul eat a light bulb?
Because it wanted a light snack!