Unlike peaches, nectarines don't have any fuzz, because they suffer from Alo-peach-ea.
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
Which hand should we use to stir the soup? It is better to stir the soup with a spoon!
A man struggled to cut up his dinner. His wife asked, “what’s wrong, hunny?” The man sighed, and said:
“This knife just isn’t gonna cut it.”
Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
“Remember: don’t eat the yellow snow.”
How can you tell if a tree is older than your mother?
It'll be covered in grandmoss.
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
What lives in apples and is an avid reader? A bookworm !
“Dachshund Through the Snow.”
Dr. Frankenstein just placed an order on Amazon.
It wasn't expensive, but I imagine the shipping cost him an arm and a leg.
Mum, you are my soup-er star.
I ran into my sibling while exploring the Sahara Desert.
I yelled out, "Oasis!"
What’s black, white and red all over?
A penguin with a sunburn.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
During World War 2, sending food to the troops was a challenge. Researchers had to concentrate to figure out how to send orange juice.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
My toilet just turned one today.
It was her bidet.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
A musical strawberry jam that knows how to play the trumpet is called Tooty fruity.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Dublin.
No body has ever won a skeleton race.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets Jalapeno business.
Feeling fintastic.
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
Why was the realtor in counseling?
He couldn’t get closure.
Something’s goat to give.
Why are football players not allowed in bowling alleys?
After getting a strike, they spike the ball.
Do you know how to get a raise at the bread factory? Try buttering up to the boss.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
Do hairless goats wish they had mohair?
Why did the penguin cross the road?
To go with the floe!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to open the door.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
A prostifruit.
What’s the difference between Jesus and pizza?
Jesus can’t be topped.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What do you call someone who’s crazy about corn?
A corn-ivore!
When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it's been sliced.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
Who is Medusa’s cheesy cousin?
Gorgon Zola
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
No! You can't force me to shave my forearms!
I have a right to bear arms!
Engineers like to Solve Problems but...
If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own.
What did Train say when they visited a sibling in South Korea?
Hey, Seoul Sister!
I introduced chocolate to milk. They did a chocolate milk shake.