What is the difference between a trumpet soloist and King Kong? King Kong is more sensitive.
What has 80 teeth and 2 eyes ?
A crocodile.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
Why couldn't I fry wood on the stove?
I used a non-stick pan.
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
Car puns are really tiring
Where do nuts go for a quick energy boost?
The nearest Shell station.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife? A heartless killer.
How do beavers make a bouncy dam? Well, they use spring water.
When did the dentist develop tooth pain?
Tooth-hurty!
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
One of my friends got lost while touring Tokyo. Turns out it was all Ja-plan.
Why can't you tease egg whites?
Because they can't take a yolk.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What separates humans from dolphins?
The surface of the water.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
How can someone tell if a bee is on their phone? They'll get a buzzy signal.
What do you get from sitting on the snow too long?
Polaroids!
If fish is a type of brain food, then dumb people probably love eating noodle soup.
I was gonna walk barefoot through the yard.
But that would cause an ecological crisis.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
What do you call it when leprechauns get together after being apart?
A wee-union!
How did Frankenstein know Jesus was coming for a visit?
He used his frankincense.
How do you catch a monkey?
Climb a tree and act like a banana.
What do you call a barking pumpkin?
A gourd dog.
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud.
"Eggs love you."
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
Bake big batches of bitter brown bread
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
Did you hear that the police arrested a pair of vampires?
They got them on two Counts of robbing a blood bank!
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
What do you use to brush a dead cat? A catacomb!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with an elephant? An animal who never forgets to eat its carrots.
How can you make a computer system cry? Delete his cookies.
What kind of degree can you get at a urinal?
A Pee h.D.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
Do fish go on vacation?
No, because they’re always in school!
"I've found some bunny to love."
A narwhal is just a tuna-corn.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
What did the Egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take awhile to get me hard I just got layed by some chick!
How do you know when guacamole has gone bad?
When it turns guaca-moldy.
I'd give me right arm to be ambidextrous!
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
I was just looking at my ceiling. I am not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world, but it’s definitely up there.
I watched a documentary about corn fields
It was really quite amaizeing