What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
What song was the peach listening to? 'Stronger with Peach Tear'.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
How does a werewolf make bechamel sauce?
They start with a rooooooooouuuuuuuux.
Another truck crashed further down the road; this one was carrying wigs. The police are combing the area.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
What's the name of a nurse who inserts plastic tubes into people?
Catherine.
Why did the strangers walk out onto the frozen pond?
Why did the witch go to the doctor?
She had a dizzy spell.
It’s been a few years since the invisible man married the invisible woman.
Their kids are nothing to look at.
What made the truck driver finally stop farting?
He ran out of gas.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Q. Why was the baby gorilla such a big brat?
A. Because his parents are big apes.
The pecan is ready to come out of its’ shell and see the world.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do you call an onion monk who is present everywhere? Ommnion!
Looks like the boa cons-tricked her.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
I hate scuba diving.
It was the lowest moment of my life.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
What do you call a stampeding herd of llamas?
The alpacalypse.
Easter dinner was great today
We made sure it had all the crucifixins'.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
What do bakers tell their children at night?
Breadtime stories.
What did the arrogant pickle say?
I'm kind of a big dill.
What did Dracula say when the witch and the warlock started kissing?" "Get a broom!
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
What did the nectarine boxer say to his opponent? "You want a peach of me?"
Why did the farmer buy a brown cow?
He wanted chocolate milk.
Cows don’t make very good cops. They refuse to go on steak outs.
What is a volleyball player’s favorite drink? Sets on the Beach.
I tried smoking pot once.
I choked on the handle.
Don’t wait on me to start the meeting. I might be a hare late.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
What do you call a Triceratops who scores his first goal? Dino- score!
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.
Their names are Sam and Ella.
Recently, my friend had his ankle bone crack.
I told him he shouldn't be so broken up over it.
What kind of tropical fruit wants to visit the moon?
A Coco-naut
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
“My favorite color is tangerine- isn’t that orange-inal?”
If you're alone and get too cold, you might become ice-olated.
What do you call a deer that feeds on the blood of others?
Vlad the impala.
What do you call a bee you can't understand? A mumble bee.
Witches are always wand-ering around…
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
When she spotted fake ramen in her soup, she said, “ This soup has impasta in it.”
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
Why does your grandma like wine so much?
Because at her age, she needs glasses!
I saw a real rob-bbery today. It happened right before my berry eyes.