How did the nut study for its test?
It used the inter-nut.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn't find a date.
Nobody showed up to my 16th birthday party,
I congratulated him on his win against Polyphemus and we started the party.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
"Great minds drink alike."
Which one of Sneezy’s kids hid his tissue paper?
Runny Knows!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
It wasn’t my idea to get bidet...
But now I kinda like the little squirt.
What do call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
Warning! Do not look at the sun through a colander.
You'll strain your eyes.
How did the avocado feel after a day at the gym? Hard core.
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
Herculease.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
If a crocodile makes shoes, what can you make out of a banana?
Slippers!
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
If you see a ghost, you should always say, 'How do you boo?'
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
Why did the man put the cake in the freezer? Because his wife told him to ice it!
How do snails make important calls? On shell phones.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
My chair is missing an arm and a leg.
That doesn't sit well with me.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
A friend of mine swallowed some food colouring. He feels he dyed a little inside.
As a butcher, let me advise you never to back up into the meat grinder. It will make you get a little behind in your work.
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
The mama nut told her children to kick off their dirty cashews before stepping into the house.
What's worst than a monkey eating bananas? A monkey going bananas.
What do cows in Greece sound like?
They say µ.
What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese!
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Was a bit lonely by myself at home last night on Valentine's Day so I decided to make my own bread.
I was feeling quite kneady
What do you call a hobbit who has bad breath? He is known as Lord of Onion Rings!
Elizabeth has eleven elves in her elm tree.
What martial art does Earth know?
Geo-Jitsu.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Wind turbine mechanics and engineers are very fond of the blew color!
Vampires are too easy to play jokes on. Suckers.
I had this disturbingly long dream that I was making a salad.
I was tossing all night.
Have you heard about the chocolate box thief? He’s always got a few Twix up his sleeve.
I have always had acrophobia, but the plane flight brought it to a new height.
What do you call a free treadmill?
The Great Outdoors.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
I just got my degree in Sky Diving.
I had to drop out to graduate.