Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
Why do people sing in the shower?
Because the audience in the toilet is sh**!
A Ghost walks into a bar. No ones notices.
What did the angry brain say to the nociceptor?
"You're a real pain."
I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.
Which makes me an eighth theist.
What vegetable isnt allowed on cruise ships?
Leeks.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
They say that the cardio system is the work of artery, but it is really just vein.
What is the left side of an apple? The part that you don't eat.
If I had a talking parrot, the first thing I would teach it to say is "Help, they've turned me into a parrot!"
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
You’ll be Dublin your fortune soon.
Let’s shell-ebrate good times and tan lines.
What happens when you look up geology jokes? You know you've hit rock bottom!
Why do so few vegetarians become competitive swimmers?
They don’t like the swim meats!
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
What do you get if you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?
A rash of good luck.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
How did Burger King get Dairy Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper!
Do you find bone puns humerus?
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
Which car does the Mensa student drive?
A Smart car.
I was arrested by the grammar police for not using the full stop correctly.
I am now looking at a long sentence.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
Susie works in a shoeshine shop. Where she shines she sits, and where she sits she shines.
My son fell asleep last night with the TV clicker in his hand.
He’s really embraced remote learning.
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
Why would a cow want to go to space? To see the Milky Way.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
What do you call a Pharaoh playing a trumpet?
Tooting’khamun
When it’s raining, a turtle goes to a shell-ter.
Good science always checks itself before it wrecks itself.
Why was the mosquito sad on christmas?
It was a bah hum bug.
"Hey there, hop stuff."
Why are volleyball players always so blameless? They always pass the blame and try to avoid faults.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What did the cheese call himself after he got dumped?
Forever provolone.
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
Who is the most famous French skeleton?
Napolean Bone-aparte.
A man just attacked me with cheese and milk.
How dairy!
Why do dinosaurs eat their food raw? Cause they don't know how to cook
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
What do you get when you cross a chicken and a cow? Roost beef!
A snapping turtle is a turtle that takes up pgotography.