In North Korea, you can not throw fruits in the snow as they don't have the right to freeze peach
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What if the earth was both round and flat?
Would it be called cylindearth?
I was doing brain surgery to a patient the other day
He was rather open-minded if you ask me.
As my wife opened the cabinet, a coffee cup crashed on her head.
It's awful to see someone you love get mugged.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
What kind of wine do traffic cops like best?
Fine wine!
When the little boy was baking a cake why did it run away? Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Did you hear about the wisdom tooth who got smart with the dentist?
[removed]
Why did the leaf go to the doctor?
It was feeling green
Why shouldn’t you iron a four-leaved clover?
You don’t want to press your luck.
Why was the scarecrow upset with the worm?
It was going ear to ear in the corn field!
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
What is a myelinated neuron's favorite type of music?
Wrap music.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
How do you trap a drum kit?
Use a snare
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
To begin to toboggan first buy a toboggan, but don’t buy too big a toboggan. Too big a toboggan is too big a toboggan to buy to begin to toboggan.
Hey baby, are you a cloud server?
Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa. Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What did the skiier say when his standup act was going downhill fast?
There snow possible way these puns could be more painful.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
What do you call a large colorful pile of leaves?
The Great Barrier Leaf.
How can you tell the difference between a monster and a banana? Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either a monster or a giant banana.
"You had me at merlot."
A lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided if the cowboy city planners had just made their towns big enough for everyone.
Don’t moss around.
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
My dad told me to finish his bird painting. He painted the head, torso and legs.
To be honest, I just winged it.
Where do dolphin races end?
Dolphinish line!
What's grandma's favorite fruit?
a Ba-nana.
I tried to tell a joke about towels...
But people don’t like my dry humor.
Why was the werewolf arrested at the butchers shop?
He was caught chop lifting.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
Why do ice cream cones always carry an umbrella?
There’s a chance of sprinkles.
Why are the tiles in your shower so jolly?
They're having a grout time.
What is the first time that a volleyball match was talked about in the Bible? When Joseph served in the Pharaoh’s court.
Did you hear about the cheese lover who took his girlfriend for granted?
How dairy.
The girls next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday.
But I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch.
What happened after the conifer fell in love at the orchard? A pineapple tree.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What is a cow's favorite lunch meat? Bullogna
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What is a dairy product like as a partner?
They’re your butter half.
Fishing you a happy day.