Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
Do you comma here often?
A strawberry usually gets stuck often when it gets jammed.
What do you call a pastry that is a priest?
A Holy Donut!
What cheese surrounds a medieval castle? Moatzeralla
What do you get when your dog jumps into the fire pit? A hot dog.
St. Patrick’s Day makes me Spring to life.
Why did the bucket bounce?
Because it was filled with spring water.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap? Because it was on shale.
Q. Why doesn't a big gorilla have to flush the toilet?
A. He scares the sh*t out of it!
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.
He’ll come around eventually.
You ever heard the Stormtrooper band?
Probably not, they've never had a hit.
What wisdom did the daddy cheese pass down to his son?
A curd in the hand is worth two in the bush.
Octopus: [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat: You're one short buddy.
How does the Skywalker family like their tea?
Lukewarm.
Wear green, or leaf.
What's a chess player's favourite starter?
Pawn cocktail.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Why is green ice cream so serendipitous?
It was mint to be.
In the night, a visitor came past my igloo. It was a yeti!
Not sure who left the other cooler, but thanks!
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide.
The aspiring comedian has an unbe-leaf-able collection of autumn jokes, but they are all falling flat.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
You really ate dog meat? How was it?
.... ruff
What’s a horse’s favorite dance move?
Watch me whip, now watch me neigh neigh.
Things don’t always pine out the way we want them to, but we can-nut give up!
The lager you wait, the better it tastes.
What do you call a family member who works at a gas station? A pump-kin!
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
How do you get a Minecraft themed party started? Let them eat cake.
Why did the music teacher need a ladder? To reach the high notes.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
I don't know what Dracula's address is, but I'm pretty sure he lives on a dead end street.
You will always have
a pizza of my heart.
I bought a boat because it was for sail.
Snowmen decide on everything with a game of eeny, meeny, miny, snow.
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
What is a 2000 pound skeleton called
A skeleTon.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
Where do dinosaurs get their mail ? At the dead-letter office!